Sunday family fun

So I woke up late, frustrated because I didn't receive a phone call I was expecting last night, but I know it's God's way of teaching me patience & learning how to let go of things I have no control over. It was a very productive day, I bought some more containers to pack my stuff in, cleaned out the entertainment center in the living room, made some repairs in house. And when Sasha got home, I coaxed her to come shopping with me for some items for the house. We went to Home Depot, Home Goods, Walmart, & finally Shoprite. We got home to make Sunday dinner for the family. The chocolate sis was in the house to partake in this weeks feast.

She was nice enough to cut my hair, do some piercings on the girls, & even do some Zumba with us! @ the end of the night it was just Marley & me doing our blogging thing, this dog has become my constant companion & I love that she knows my moods all too well. When she senses my sadness she curls up to me like a cat, how could I not love her. & can you help it? just look @ her:

Quote: The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow - unknown author

As I pack my things again, I feel a number of different feelings, but the one that overwhelms me, is sadness. I have been through allot of transitions within the last year & although I feel like I didn't deserve my situation, I have moved on @ a pace that upsets me. And my closest friends remind me that deep wounds take time to heal- it still feels fresh to me! I have been trying really hard to move on, but my problem is, that when I love you, I love you 150% & it has been hard for me to get over my last love. & my loved ones tell me: I deserve better, & I know I do, but it's hard for me still! God, please grant me the strength I need to get over my hurt!

Tired as Hell!

After a 13 hour shift @ the Hack & almost being hit by an honoree pt, I came home to not only jog up my nemesis (the hill before you get to my house), but to also shovel snow & then go to sleep! Those 13 hour shifts @ the Hack do take a toll on me. I was exhausted when I got home, but I had to shovel snow in order to get the car into the garage. Definitely have to exercise more to get more energy!

Slept most of the day, woke up sore as hell & tired, but I had received a couple of texts from one of my co-workers wanting me to come to a gathering, so I got ready & went to Haskell, NJ. Where I met a couple of my girlfriends from HUMC to celebrates Ms. Kinga's new home, which is beautiful, by the way! Congratulations Kingalicious, love the new house. Had a good time with the 4LW sisters, who by the way, were making fun of my socks- because they look similar to our patient's socks @ HUMC:

Not really, anyways, had a good time with the sisters & of course Minh (get me Jay's number, sucka!). Love my friends:

Quote: I've learned that it is not what I have in my life, but who I have in my life that counts

- unknown author

18 hours off today

Got off this morning from SBMC to sleep for 6 hours, then clean & continue to pack. I was packing up my bedroom, in which I have family pictures with Mark in them. And as I pack them I realize I need to update my family pictures, it still saddens me, that he was not willing to fight for what we had; but it also shows me that he was not the person I thought. I have been dating lately, but have not met anybody I can say, is worth spending anytime with. It might be, that most of the men that are attracted to me are very young & are intimidated by me. They either don't get me, or I don't give them a chance to prove themselves.
So, I have taken this sign to mean that I need more time to work on myself & so I have thrown myself into working out & taking care of my health & the health of those I love. I have to be honest, I am very nervous about my upcoming appointment for my mammogram. I continue to take my vitamins & have bought the Zumba for my Wii. Most of my clothes don't fit me, they are too big, but I have some target areas that need allot of work (my arms & abdomen). I am still wearing a size 6 (Banana Republic), my Levi's jeans vary from 3 to 5 depending what cut I wear.
Since I have not been out today & within the last 2 days I've been @ work & sleeping- I have not had the pleasure of taking pictures to incorporate in tonight's blog, but I was sent a beautiful sentiment, that boosted my mood today, & that I would like to share with all of you:

As Women:
She can deal with stress & carry heavy burdens. She smiles when she feels like screaming & she sings when she feels like crying. She cries when she's happy & laughs when she is afraid. Her love is unconditional. There is only one thing wrong with her, she forgets what she's worth!

I have always loved too hard, worked too hard, & studied too hard, but I have never done anything for myself, I have always put others before me that didn't deserve that status; but, I have no regrets. I won't change who I am & those who didn't appreciate me didn't deserve me in the first place.

Quote:

It was late when I was posting my blog & doing laundry & as you can see Marley is laying on my clean clothes behind my lap top. She has been my only constant companion within the last turbulent year.

Another day of family & friends

So today is my last night off, before I start my grind. I stayed home for the majority of the day, I cooked a big El Salvadorian breakfast & another El Salvadorian dinner. Of course these meals would not be complete without the family, this time it was all girls & Shami was lost in the midst of all the female love.

I want to thank my 2 pseudo daughters for joining our crazy family for our Sunday dinner, Wa & Ms. Linda & of course I can't forget her daughter, Sorysha ( I think that's the correct spelling). We talked just about everything under the sun, & I am just now realizing I am going to need a large dinning room set! Would not have it any other way- love my little women & Shami- & really miss Bebe, love you B!

4th exhausting day off

The past 3 days have been full of taking care of my loved ones, my daughter, my mom, & my dog. I also started purchasing kitchen-ware for my new home. I am excited & nervous @ the same time, went  to look @ a big screen TV & washer & dryer; those will be the first purchases I make! Not doing the laundromat thing, went to Best Buy & found a nice washer & dryer for $800 each & a TV for $700. But I have to keep  in mind that I still have to buy a bedroom set, a living room set & a dining room set. As for my patients, here they are ambulating & trying to over-come disease & sickness.

Was pulling double duty, taking care of both of my patients. We walked around the unit, checked out the teen room & baby room. After combing my mom's hair & making sure Dasha ate a solid meal, I took my mom back home.
Saturday morning I got a call from the Hack, stating that my baby was being discharged, so I bought her home & I had to start buying stuff for the move. I have saved up some money to purchase my big items, but I couldn't help myself, so I bought some items I knew I needed to make my family good meals- check it out:

Since it was Dasha's first night home from the hospital, I decided to make chicken noodle soup, El Salvadorian style, & of course some friends came over to enjoy the food & company. Here we are enjoying conversation & my homemade soup:

I love my family, but, I really miss Bebe. I have not spoken to him since Christmas, I'm not sure how he is doing or if he still living with the same family. I hope he realizes that there is no place like home & our family- I love you & miss you Bebe!

Exhausted 2 days off

So my past 2 days off I have been @ the Hack with my 2 daughters, Sade had to get an MRI for her chronic back issues & to consider back surgery & Shadasha with acute abdominal pain in the peds ER. As a nurse you always want to make sure your patients are getting appropriate care, as a parent you want to make sure your children are getting the best care promptly. After being in the ER all night Wednesday into Thursday morning & finally being placed into a room, I had to talk to a provider to let us know what the plan of care was going to be for my daughter. So, a resident finally came @ 6 p to tell us there was no surgery planned, due to my daughter's young age. The plan of care was going to be aggressive IV Abx round the clock, serial CBC's & follow up imaging. So, needless to say,  I will be back @ the Hack on Friday to see what our next step is with Shadasha's plan of care. But, before I do that I have to take Blanca (my Mami) to her doctor's appointment to see what her plan of care is going to be. Talk about feeling sandwiched! Taking care of my mami & my kids has been hard, but I am handling it the best way I can. The good thing about the whole Dasha situation is that I got to experience the Hack as a patient & let me tell you it has been a good experience, these are some of the images I would like to share with all of you:

Being a pediatric patient sure has it's perks, the first being a private room with a place for a parent to stay with the patient, the other is a private bathroom with a shower! Gave Dasha a hose down this afternoon, which made her feel 50% better. Tomorrow we are washing her hair! I did get a chance to go food shopping & I got a chance to snap a picture of these 2 little guys, couldn't help myself too cute to pass by:

Being a single parent again does have its challenges & taking care of my sick kids & sick mami has been a constant juggling act, not having somebody to share all of this has been somber. But, I am definitely optimistic about everything in my life & I know that everything happens for a reason. I have become very good @ juggling everything on my plate. I'm thinking I deserve a break this weekend, so as soon as  Dasha gets discharged & Blanca is taken care of, I am off to a spa to treat myself then out on the town with the girls!

HBD to my siblings!

Today would of been  my big brother's 43rd bday, he would be so proud of his nieces & nephews. He was a big part of their lives when they were little & made sure they were disciplined "appropriately" (old school whippings). He influenced them in such a big way, that now two of them are going to fulfill his dream of becoming a veterinarian (Sasha & Shamorr). He also influenced me profoundly, & it was because of him that I became a RN. He also preached not settling & to always keep on striving for bigger & better things. He would be so proud that I actually listened to him & continue to push my envelope until I can't push it anymore. 

It is ironic that my vanilla sista'a birthday falls on the same day, she also encourages me to push myself & continue to move forward in a positive direction, she definitely has impacted me & I cherish & value her advice & guidance. I can't wait for our India trip this year, hopefully Shamorr won't get sick! Happy birthday Holly, love you & miss you, but I don't miss NM! ;-) Muah, kiss my brats for me & hug Manish for me! 

 And as I leave you today, I picture my brother being in peace in heaven & looking down on us & smiling, & making sure we are blessed with each other & our health!

Today's quote/image:

I do good, because it's the right thing to do & I feel positive when I am doing good deeds, it fuels my soul & makes me happy. :-)

Adjusting to my new schedule

So, the new year has bought me a new schedule. I now work 2- 12 hour shifts @ both jobs & I have to say it has been a big adjustment! Mondays & Tuesdays you can catch me @ SBMC & Thursdays & Fridays you can catch me @ HUMC. Every third weekend I'm @ HUMC & following that weekend I am on-call for SBMC! So, I currently have 3 days off a week & physically off three weekends a month. I'm still debating doing the Navy-Nurse reserves, which is 1 weekend a month & still have off 1 weekend a month!?!? Not sure if I still want to do it? Maybe, I should just go back to grad school? I really want to finish it & maybe only have to work only 1 job! I already have job offers from my Mom's cardiologist (he sees me @ SBMC) & there are 3 positions open @ HUMC for APN's (on CSICU) & I was told to apply, when I finished! It's nice when people recognize my work ethic, I feel good when people ask me what my next step is & if I can come work for them!
Two of the residents @ SBMC have told me, that I have a resident's schedule & I should consider becoming a physician! I tell them, I don't want to fight for my money with insurance companies, for services that were already rendered; & they look @ me like very puzzled. Fortunately, I have experienced both perspectives of the private sector & facility, so I know better! Both have their pros & cons, for example in a facility you have to deal with the politics of the infrastructure; as for the private sector, you have to make sure you comply with the state's standards & literally fight Goliath (the insurance companies) to get paid for services you already rendered! (definitely have to go back to school, this sounds like an analytical paper!)
Anyway, my new schedule has allowed me to spend more time with my brats, & that has been good for us. I really miss my son, Bebe, & I hope he decides to come back home, our house is not a home without him! I love our weekends together, we try very hard to have Sunday dinners with all of us present. Sasha has been coming home & spending time with us, which is always nice!I have also started cooking more, so I definitely have to invest in allot of kitchenware for my new kitchen, I just hope I have allot of storage area for all the stuff I need!
I still feel like this is not it for my career, I know I am just in the middle of my career ladder & still have a ways to go, I have good feelings about this year for my career. I really like my director & she really encourages me to move upward & forward, she thinks I have potential, & she makes me feel like my destiny is right around the corner & I just have to walk up to it!
As I leave you with images of the women in my life who I care for very dearly- I love them very much- my girls, literally, my daughters & my sisters:

Tonight's quote/image:

I really feel, that all the good news & things that are happening to my family is a new beginning for us. I have this feeling that something big & positive is coming my way! I dream about it & I feel very optimistic  about my life right now, this new townhouse is just the start!

Good News All Around

Yesterday was full of appointments & news that was music to my ears! Went to see an apartment in EO, which, of course, was too good to be true! 4 BR house for $1200, no garage or driveway not even a parking spot! I then picked up my lil Mami to take her to her Oncology appt, where we were told her CA is   not stage 3, but stage 2B! Meaning its treatable & her chemotherapy will be to eradicate her body from microscopic carcogenic cells! Her markers are favorable for chemotherapy, & she will only need 6 cycles of 3-4 hours of chemo treatment every 3 weeks! Yes, there will be loss of hair, nausea, vomiting, & diarrhea- but I now my Mami is up for the challenge. I have been very diligent & busy taking her to all her MDs appointments, but to hear this good news was all worth the energy & a blessing!
Started my 12-hour shifts @ SBMC & when I came in @ 6 pm, was told by my colleague that my PCCs (patient care coordinators) on each unit was looking forward to seeing me tonight! Wow, I really felt good about that news, it's like when my patients @ the Hack ask my colleagues for me when I'm not there; it just  affirms that I am a caring nurse & my patients not only appreciate me, they want me to take care of them again!
My only regret yesterday, was that i did not have the time to exercise. But, I will make up for it another day. & this is what I came home to this morning:

A cold 5 degrees weather it will be one of the last times I have this view, I will be moving into my new townhouse in 3 weeks! I'm excited, scared, anxious & nervous- but anticipating my new life!

Another Productive Day Off

So, I started my NY off with a brisk walk through my neighborhood, which will be changing in 3 weeks! My new home is next to a mini golf course & a lake, so my views (I hope) will be more inspiring! But, I managed to take new angles of Degnan Park, while walking my Marley this morning! Will not be missing the geese poop!

After my walk, I proceeded to clean my kitchen, bathroom, closet, bedroom, living room- well you get the picture! Had to stop for a minute to pick up some more cleaning supplies- but my house is now spot-less! I am now on my last laundry load! Cooked a wonderful dinner, healthy to: ground turkey with spinach & rice. My nephew Tony stopped by & enjoyed this healthy dinner with us, love that boy to death! So my oldest daughter, Sade, thought it would be a good idea to go see a late movie; so we caught a 10:45 showing of the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo- got home around 2 am, but it was all worth it, the movie was excellent & I got to spend quality time with my oldest girl- love her so much. During my afternoon run, we spotted our, El Salvadorians', national flag, so my daughter snapped a picture of it. Of course we, the dorks, felt so proud to see it!

Quote: Having a little faith: the profound comfort of believing in something bigger than yourself. -Mitch Albom

New Year a new way

As we welcome the new year, I welcomed some old friends back into my life. As for the NYE plans we had to go to NYC, to see the ball drop, were nixed; because as the time came closer the people that were suppose to go with me, had changes in their plans. So I winded up going to Loft 47 with the chocolate sista:

As you can see I was with my twin siblings! We welcomed 2012 @ Loft 47 in downtown Newark. Of course the sis had a headache so we only stayed until 12:05, Denise went home & Dennis went club hopping. I went to a friend's house & got home late morning to avoid drunk drivers! New Year's day was a lazy day off for me, I stayed in my PJs all day! Arlene my Caribbean sista, came to have lunch with me & catch up, made chicken & potatoes & broccoli, but forgot to open the wine she bought over!

We watched a movie, ate lunch, caught up with each other & she left, she had to go visit her Mom; I should of went with her, but I was being lazy! I stayed home & watched some more movies & started our laundry & then did a little bit of cleaning. 

I am so excited, anxious & scared about moving the end of this month! I will be renting a townhouse in WO, but I have to buy all new furniture, including washer & dryer- so, I will again, be working to buy everything I need! Can't wait to move & be in a new place, where I am not reminded by an asshole who destroyed all my awards & degree, & left me with nothing! Dude, you seriously need anger management, you act as if I cheated on you! & FYI- what you destroyed & took from me, is all material, you can't take away what I learned or the memories of all my achievements & as for my stuff I hope your new girl knows how to use it!

Quote: Life is a constant change & you have to be able to adapt to those changes, if you don't, you will be unsuccessful! Ana Escamilla (my wise ghetto fabulous Auntie, whom I love dearly)

Ana & Mami having an El Salvadorian breakfast with me, while talking to me about life:

Of course we had to go visit my father after this outing! SMH, but I have to make peace with this man, just like I have to make peace with Mark- you are both forgiven, but that does not mean you have to be in my life!