I've been laying in my bed for the past 6 days, sickened with what I believe to be the flu. Not being able to watch TV, due to light sensitivity, or read due to headaches has been very challenging for me. But I have spent the last 144 hours with my thoughts & the only being that can't get infected by my sickness, stinky Marley. Between the fevers & all the meds I've been taking I've managed to have very lucid dreams, which have been a form of closure with my mom & brother. I'm @ peace with their deaths & no longer feel left or abandoned, I now feel like they are always with me & have been.
As for my thoughts, it has come to my attention that @ 44 years old, I am finally comfortable with who I have become. Being by myself has taught me some much needed discipline, & although I still struggle with my fleshly needs, I have learned how to avoid negative people & wrong situations. I now move forward with hope & optimism. I have learned to rely on myself when it comes to companionship. I read & write much more than I use to & I really enjoy spending time with people who are really important to me. And it has become crucial for me to challenge myself, mentally & physically, I never thought that after everything that I have been through, that I am now standing even stronger than I was before. Take nothing for granted, your losses make room for better things, your gains confirm your ability. And although I'm sick & can hardly finish my thoughts or what I want to write for that matter I am content & most importantly happy with just me!
As you can see the fevers are clearing & the meds are finally taking a toll, but even like this, I am happy!
