I know I have been very neglectful, but, I was just honoring my mother's wishes by trying to enjoy my life. It has been very difficult for me to move on without having my mother by my side, but I know that she is in my heart.
I have to be honest, I have not moved forward with my career or my education, I think I just have become comfortable. I know that I have to mush on in those areas of my life, but being comfortable has made it hard to get out of my rut. Socially, I have become too active, I am so blessed to have so many interesting people in my life & that makes it easy to travel & try new things & visit new places.
As for my love life, nothing! I'm still discovering things about myself & have not been able to explore any "LOVE" interest. When there is somebody that I'm attracted to, I tend to discourage it within myself. Why? you ask, because, I think deep down I am afraid to get hurt again! And my trust issues have a tight grip on me. Quite honestly, I think there is nobody worthy. It seems like everybody is cheating & nobody cares who gets hurt & that, I've witnessed in every level of society @ both of my work places & amongst my friends. People, like me, who were loyal, loving, honest, trustworthy, & good to their spouses, are the ones getting hurt profoundly.
As for my dichotomy, I am trying to stay true to the promises I made to my mom; but, it has been hard to stay true to one, work. I made several promises to my mom, which include making peace with my biological sister & my father, & I have- I visit them & nurture those relationships as best I can. My biggest struggle has been not working allot of hours. I have cut my hours @ SBMC by going from full-time to per diem & have kept HUMC as part-time. As the season changes from summer to fall, I feel the urge to throw myself back into work & figure a way back into grad school. As for my plan to do the Navy Nurse reserve in order to pay for grad school, that was nulled, I was told that the maximum cut off age is 42, & guess what? That's how old I turned last week! So much for that plan. :-(
I'm not giving up though, there have been a couple of other opportunities that have presented themselves to me, so it's only a matter of choosing one & sticking to it.
The flip side to all this, is that I feel like I don't have people like my mom & brother @ my side to encourage me to go forth. But, I know I still have my tribe called mess & my sistas & brothas from my work families cheering me on! & for that I am truly humbled & know that I am blessed.
As I leave you today, I share some memories that I will cherish for the rest of my life! til next entry- Bless ya'll!
Denise & me @ NJPAC street concert
Arlene & me enjoying some Moscato Rose
Lygia (my lil sis) & me @ NYC Pub Crawl
My cousin Robert, my sis Lygia, my nephew Tony, & me @ Lunasta's NYC
My Fiat that took me everywhere I needed while in NC & GA
My cousin Janette & me in Athens, GA
My lil cuz Danijah & cousin Carmen & me enjoying some summer splash
Priceless: My mom & my oldest daughter Sade
Another Priceless moment: My middle daughter Sasha & my mom
Yet another Priceless moment: My mom & my pseudo Filipino daughter Wa
My 3 gems: Sasha, Shadasha, & Sade
My bday cake in Charlotte, NC
My loving family from Charlotte, NC
I love my family
My Auntie Ana & me celebrating our bdays
I love my cousins
Especially Mayra
Family is everything
My 1920s transformation
Almost complete
Arrived in style @ ATL
I love my cousins Carmen & Denise
Yes, it was just us
HBD to me
My workouts paid off
and then there were more
2nd day of bday celebration @ Indigo /w Mr. Earl
Family dinner bday celebration
I love my GA peaches
My lil cousins are all gems
Help me blow out my candles RJ
HBD Danijah- luv u
Yes, that's my father
My princesses
My baby girl, Shadasha
So, you see, God has blessed me with a loving family, it might not be perfect, but we have each others back & we try to keep it real amongst ourselves & that's what makes our bonds stronger. Til next entry!
