Good Evening ,
As always I have been super busy with school, work, family & attempting to have a social life. I have also been having a very human experience involving close family members. Those who I thought were dear to me, whom I helped in too many ways to mention, who came for my reputation. After 2 intense sessions of therapy and being sick for more than a month I have decided not to give this situation any more energy. Time for me to stop feeling any kind of way over this and/ or the people that are involved, for that matter. These family members never contributed to my purpose or my success. This post is the last time I ponder this scenario and the people involved! It's the final step to my healing process I am so over this matter. And for the record, I do right by my people when it matters, when they’re alive!
As for the title death, I had this deep conversation regarding death with my therapist we discussed the different levels of death. There is death of a former version of yourself, a death of a relationship, and then of course terminal death: physical. Death has been a part of my life even before I was born! My mother's sister was killed by a truck when she first migrated to NYC in 1969, it was a hit and run, she also lost her second born, she was only 2 months old; she then lost her only son. I believe deep down to my soul that those feelings of loss were transferred to me through my mom's genes while I was in utero. As I study for my doctorate I am learning that as we're in utero we inherit all of what our mother's endure. Some of us absorb more than others. I strongly believe that since I was my mother's last born, most of my mother's experiences, her sadness specifically, was absorbed into my DNA. I also believe that's the reason my mom and I became super close after my brother, her only son, passed away.
As I type this entry I let this go and move forward to continue my journey and bury this experience as a negative memory that made me stronger. Always focusing on what brings me joy and happiness!
Saying good bye to the most toxic women I have ever known to exist!
