Prosperous Soul: February 2019

Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Numb to death

Good morning bloggers,

So yesterday was my nephew’s death anniversary & I was having a conversation with my oldest nephew (the one I raised), & he bought up the fact that we lost so many family members under a short amount of time. And some how we as a family unit have become numb to death. As a nurse & a human being, I know that our life has a cycle, we’re born, we live, & then we die! But death comes to us in different ways & @ different times! It can be self inflicted or we can be murdered, or most likely by sickness.

Having survived allot of deaths in my family & through my profession, I am guilty of becoming numb to death. As a matter of fact, I welcome death. My colleagues make fun of me, they say that I’m going to be the typical Hispanic & plead for my life! But what they don’t know is that I have made peace with the thought of my death & welcome it. You see, I coached my mom through her last breath, I watched my brother deteriorate from healthy to skin & bones, then eventually die & have watched many of my patients take their last breaths & coached them & their families around death.
Having been privileged to be an integral part of these unique situations has given me some wisdom. And that wisdom to me is the quality of life & how to live my life in a way I can impact people positively. Easier said than done, you see when you choose to live positively it takes effort, one has to think consciously. This becomes more difficult when you have been in bad situations, but it takes a very strong person to overcome all the negativity & be positive. But, it is doable, it just requires a little bit more effort & some humanity, which I believe has been lacking in our current society.
People have become zombies & suckers to social media & allow others to dictate how they live.

I’ve always been different & drummed my own tune & I have raised my kids & grand kids to do the same. To never follow, to lead in the right direction, to stand up for what’s right & combat the wrongs in our current world. Anything that we contribute has to be positive & how we treat people is what defines our character- I hope one day my kids & grand kids impact this world positively & they will be able to say it’s how my mami & Lola raised me & that be my legacy.

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

Raising Awareness

Good evening bloggers,

So I went back & forth about putting this out on the internet. But being a mother & Lola, the thought of safety trumped all of my other feelings!

So as most of you know I had a brief relationship with someone I had allot in common with. He presented himself with good & genuine intent, but possessed allot of hidden anger. After several deep conversations he exposed to me that there existed cases of sexual abuse & molestation. I know from my sexual assault training that there are certain personalities that are incapable of recovering from this trauma. And although he wasn’t the victim, he was traumatized & it had affected him profoundly to the point that it affected his social life. His trauma gave birth to allot of insecurities that manifested in anger & lack of confidence when it came to social situations. But it also allowed him to flourish @ work because he was more focused on succeeding professionally.

Don’t get me wrong, he had allot of great qualities. He was very affectionate, a great listener, consistent, loyal, & most importantly he loves NYC as much as I do. As a matter of fact, all of these qualities were the reasons I became fond of him. But as time passed by I noticed certain things that were inconsistent. His behavior changed abruptly, his anger was set off by my words & he became verbally aggressive. When I would call him out on it, he would apologize profusely & then the roses would come accompanied by sweet gestures. But that anger was always there, it came to a point where I could not deal with it anymore. I’m not the type of person that can walk on eggshells or change who I am to accommodate a person that is hyper sensitive!

Needless to say I had to break up with him, but this was a process, because he persuaded me to stay & went back to therapy & showed improvement, but that anger had a hold on him & so I had to let him go. But it wasn’t until he stalked & harassed me @ work that I saw how crazy & inappropriate this person was!

And this is what prompted me to write this entry. To raise awareness, living in an era of Me Too & in a society that no longer tolerates any type of abuse against women. Abuse comes in all shapes & forms, it does not have to be sexual in nature. It can be verbal, emotional, & physical. If it takes from you, demeans you, & makes you feel low, it’s abuse!

When you truly love yourself you become aware of your self worth & nobody is deserving of compromising that! I know what I bring to the table & I also know that it’s going to take someone very special to engage me @ all levels of my complexity.

So, love yourself! Discover your worth, nurture your talents. Expose yourself to everything, educate yourself, explore your flaws, accept them, work on them. Better yourself, it’s okay to be vulnerable but know you can gain strength & wisdom when you do this.

Listen to your gut, never second guess yourself. Have confidence in your woman’s intuition or your gut feeling! It’s our God given defense mechanism. Don’t be afraid to speak up, if it makes you feel uncomfortable confront the person that is making you feel uncomfortable! Communication is key!
Surround yourself with positive loving people, people who accept all your craziness & are able to be honest with you & it can be reciprocated. Stay positive, be positive, talk positive! Be kind, be nice, be loving, be yourself!