Internal desires

Hello bloggers,

Feeling very philosophical post Dubai trip! So here are my thoughts, raw & real to me!

Life has a cruel way of taking away people you love,
Whether they were your parent, siblings, or a lover
They served their purpose in your life, they left you with cherished memories, valuable lessons, & a sense of pride to carry on in their honor.
So, here I am, carrying on in honor of my mother, my brother, my sister, & a lover.
And as I carry on, I would like to reveal to the world my internal desire.
Yes, I'm a very strong woman, I can handle just about anything that life throws my way.
But @ the same time, I'm very human, & with my humanity comes a deep internal desire of wanting love.
Love you say, yes, love. But you already have love, yes, I have family love: daughter love, son love, grandchildren love, friend love, sister love, father love & of course dog love.
But the love I desire is more of an emotional, more intimate, more respectful, more devotional, more sexual, more mental, & yes lawd, more physical, it comes with loyalty & integrity, that both partners present with pride. Not only to receive this type of love but to share it & practice it with a man until we perfect it!
I think all of us deserve this type of love @ least once in a lifetime!
And although I have been blessed with many types of loves in my life, my internal desire for this type of love fuels me daily, & I am grateful to have all the other loves in my life!

No Guarantees

Hello Bloggers,

As I'm here in Dubai & considering a 3 year work tour, I'm leaning towards doing it. I work very hard to maintain my family & myself, but if anything my life has taught me, that life worth living means that I have to take calculated risks. After long thoughtful discussions with my family & close friends, it just makes sense for me to do this, not only for myself, but for my family. Making 80K more a year will allow me to go back to grad school & save for a down payment for my own home. It will also .allow me to continue to help my family & lord knows I always need help with that
.I have been doing allot on my own & I have learned that in life there are no guarantees, hence the title of this entry. So, I continue to move forward positively & hope that the decisions I make have a positive impact on the people I love, & of course myself. So , as I visit this beautiful & religious city I've realized, now more than ever than ever, my evolution requires big moves. And although I'm having allot GI problems, I can honestly say it,s due to the stress of making this decision & adjusting to this time zone! I can honestly say that after visiting this city & spending limited time walking around, observing & soaking the culture in has led me to decide to do this. So, as I prepare to move forward & onward with my life, I want to share this saying that I heard today: when given extraordinary gifts expect not to have an ordinary life! When I get back home, I will definitely spend extra time with those that show me love! Muah

Heavy heart/strong soul

Good morning bloggers,

Here I am again burning the midnight oil. After spending some time with someone & him making me realize some of my flaws I felt inspired to write this entry.

Every strong woman needs someone to take the lead for a minute, so she can take a breather, recollect herself & recharge. I, unfortunately don't have that luxury in my life, but I do take frequent vacations by myself to compensate for that; these brief vacations allow me to release, recharge & refresh. There are days that I wish I could just runaway from it all, but then I have people, like my grand kids, kids & my close friends whom remind me that I am loved & very much needed!

I have no regrets & now know more than ever that everything that I've been through was meant to be. My experiences have taught me very valuable lessons, they have humbled me, prepared me & most importantly serve as a constant reminder that life is a constant evolution.

I have been through allot in my 45 years of living & I don't regret anything. I have loved the wrong people & in return I have learned that there are no garauntees. The only thing that is garaunteed in this life is that the only person you can count on is yourself. The way you carry yourself around others defines your character, I have forgiven & moved on without resentment. And even though my heart is heavy, my soul has become stronger. With every situation comes experience & those experiences allow you to make better decisions. Loss of loved ones make you appreciate those you love & love you. Bad experiences teach you lessons, good experiences create happy memories. So, you see, take nothing for granted, don't expect anything from anybody but yourself & never judge others because you never know what they have been through.

But do treat others with respect, be kind, open your hearts & your minds to all possibilities. Have faith, smile often, laugh frequently- trust me it's contagious! Take deep breaths, pause, learn how to let go of the bad & create good! Trust me you will be much happier & @ peace!

Men of hollow words

Good morning bloggers,

So most of my close friends know that I've been dating online. And it has become fun & I have met some interesting men. But, most of these men share a common theme, that theme being, men of hollow words! They claim allot verbally but lack the action that is necessary! It has become frustrating & I do miss the traditional way of meeting men, in person, where you can read their body language & their facial expressions. I consider myself to be a good judge of character & pride myself on reading people, but with this new age dating it has made it hard to gage when these boys are lying.

 I can't say that this theme applies to all the men I have met, but it does apply to most. I'm not sure where they get the idea or notion that lying is acceptable! Were they not taught that the truth is always revealed with time! I raised 2 boys & I have taught them to always be honest, & it's better to hurt people with the truth then making them happy with lies, because that happiness is temporary, the truth always surfaces & shatters your credibility. I have taught all my kids that your word is your bond, if your words don't stand for nothing you have no value!

It has been my experience that when people lie it's because they don't value you or how they make you feel. To me that's a form of disrespect. Unfortunately, I have experienced being lied to, & it has tainted me in ways that I may not recover from. I try to maintain my faith & proceed cautiously!

To all who read this entry: when you lie, you only hurt your own character & people don't take you seriously!

Women of substance vs. New breed of women

Good morning bloggers,

I know it's been a while, what can I tell you? I have been working very hard. I have made some decisions that will impact my life tremendously. I have been contemplating doing a tour in Dubai, the shortest tour that exists is 3 years. I've been researching it & the numbers make sense, but the time away from my family is delaying my decision. Anyway, that topic is for another entry.

As for my title, women of substance vs. new breed of women, it has come to my attention
 that there exists women that have certain qualities. Those qualities include but are not limited to: integrity, honesty, loyalty, consistency, patience, intelligence, ethics, strength, acceptance, & lord knows a plethora of other qualities that I'm failing to mention. I guess I'm mentioning this because I have allot friends that possess all these qualities & when we get together & discuss my pathetic, non-existent love life, it comes up as a topic. Most of my close friends are successful women in their own right & continue to be successful in their relationships. And although it does require energy & determination to maintain those relationships, it is very possible. When I was married I was able to maintain & didn't mind doing it. I guess when you love somebody it doesn't feel like work or expended energy.

Anyway, back to my title, it seems like, to me, that these qualities are not desired by most men. It has been my experience that men rather have women who want to use them for money, titles or other reasons that I will never understand. This observation has tainted my dating ventures, I have come to the realization that what I seek in a relationship is not what most men seek in a relationship.

Women I know work hard, are loyal, intelligent, independent and consistent! These qualities are very hard to find in a man. And although I believe that women who possess these qualities are a new breed, that belief is wrong. Looking back, these qualities were always around me, & learned from my mom, grandma & other women in my family. So you see,  the women of substance in my life have graced me with these qualities. This woman of substance has evolved with time, I have become more confidant in my ability to do all things. I have become more free with my time, more open minded, & I have learned to take more chances & have faith in myself & my decisions. Being able to do things on my own has given me a level of confidence that is undeniable. I just hope that I pass on these qualities to my daughters & sons & grandchildren.

P.S. I'm currently having technical difficulties & am unable to insert pictures to my entries, so please be patient with me.

Kudos

Good evening fellow bloggers,

I have slowed down my work schedule & am relearning how to enjoy the people & the things I enjoy the most! I am glad to report that my continued manifestation is blossoming, I have witnessed allot of my colleagues & mentees move up the nursing career ladder. It has awaken the student in me, I am so proud of all of my colleagues & menteees who graduated this year! What an accomplishment! Working full time, managing a household & still managing to graduate grad school is not easy; but, for those who want it bad enough, they make it happen. Shout out to all of you who got it done: Malissa, Mike, Jenny, Yanitza, Jessica, Nhyra, Rhys, Raena & others. Just recently one of my colleagues in CSICU, who after several years of working in CSICU, obtained her BSN. She has reinforced my desire to finish my DNP. I do have to say it has become more challenging for me to achieve this goal, working 2 jobs, my travel business & managing a household that consists of my grand daughter, son, oldest daughter & now my daughter in law, has made it impossible.
But @ the same time, I love having my grand daughter & grand son close to me, & have become distracted spending quality time with my little munchkins, those blessings are a reminder of how blessed I am. But, it makes me wish I had my mom & brother here to share those blessings with me. It gives me some solace to know that they watch over me & my family.

Change is the only constant in life!

Good afternoon bloggers,

So, I'm so excited to report that I finally have my grand daughter & grand son close to me. Unfortunately, my son had to stay in NM to deal with judicial complications. I hope he learns his lesson & grows wiser from his situation. But, I'm not going to let that dampen the moment of having my grand babies together & with me!

As I continue to challenge myself, I am happy to report that I just completed my first 5k run! I didn't really prepare for it appropriately, but, the levels of serotonin it released has me wanting more. That was my physical challenge, now for my mental challenge: I am happy to report that I have been reading some pretty awesome self help books. I've actually started doing things that I am uncomfortable doing when it comes to my social life. I deleted all my online dating accounts, I only met a handful of worthy men that deserve my acquaintance. I find myself confident enough to attract my tribe with my vibe, & hopefully one will present himself that is worthy to be a part of my Queendom! I have faith & am staying positive about all aspects of my life. As for work, I continue to hustle both my gigs @ both hospitals & have picked up on my home based business (holla or check my web site out): Delilahstravel.paycation.com , I'm trying to travel more!

I swear the older I get the more comfortable & more in love I become with myself! The changes in my life are more welcomed & I'm no longer afraid of any change. In fact, I anticipate them & desire them, there is no limit to where I'm going! Loving my life & accept any challenge that is put before me!

Delilafesto

I am not your ordinary woman
I enjoy intelligent conversations
I have an actively vivid imagination
My passion for life & my family is relentless
I am known to be loud, funny, & unfiltered, but I have the ability to be the most professional person you will ever know- I am excellent @ adapting like that!
My compassion makes me one of the best bedside nurses you will ever have
My modesty & humbleness makes me the favorite supervisor, as per my staff
My sexual desires make me an oddity, according to my ex-lovers
My layers of complexity make me a force to reckon with
My past experiences have fueled my strength & remind me to cherish people & not objects
I have certain expectations about how I want to be treated
So, if you step to me don't be intimidated, just approach me correctly & learn my worth!
My capabilities include, but are not limited to, healing & nurturing the sick, loving without boundaries, the ability to fix things & have pride in my work ethic!
My readiness to learn new things and not fearing new challenges @ any level: physical, mental, & emotional!
And no, I am not perfect, but, I know what I bring to the table.
I know my flaws & embrace them!
My inner joy, far exceeds what any living being can do to me!
I'm more than the sum of my parts!
And that's what makes me uniquely awesome!
~~~~~~~~~Delilafesto

Missing you immensely

Missing you immensely 

How I miss texting you inappropriate things & sayings

How I miss hearing your voice

How I miss seeing your face, especially your devilish smile

How I miss your goofy gestures 

How I miss the things you said

Oh my & how I miss the things we did 

Since you've been gone there hasn't been anybody who makes me feel like you did 

Although I have tried, you definitely left the bar high

How I miss our crazy rendezvous! 

And although I never said it, you knew I loved you, and I miss you saying it too

How much fun we had, the conversations we had

You reminded me of who I am, you made me feel beautiful & sexy again 

How I miss you? I miss you immensely!

Welcome to MY Queendom

Welcome to MY Queendom:

Where you are completely accepted in your entirety, flaws & all. You are encouraged to be yourself. You are celebrated for your uniqueness. You are appreciated for your genuineness and consistency. Your opinion and efforts are valued. Not only are you seen, you are heard and expected to contribute on all levels: emotionally, physically, spiritually and yes, financially! And KNOW that all these priveleges  given to you, my King, are the standard that you will be expected to reciprocate to your beloved Queen!

Self inspiration

Good evening bloggers,

I've been in a short media vacation. I have taken some time to date, & realized that I don't like the new dating seen! I've met some shady characters & a few nice guys. Some with sexual agendas & others that are confused about what they want!

I unfortunately know exactly what I want & I'm sorry I'm not settling for less. I have promised myself to maintain my standards & although it's exhausting introducing myself to new guys, I realize that I have come a long way. I have had some very interesting "relationship" encounters recently, but they all served a purpose & taught me very valuable lessons that I needed to learn in order to move forward. I've been told that I'm unique, passionate & intimidating. All compliments to my character., I can only be myself. And as I continue my journey in life, I continue to evolve, all for the best. I've only experienced romantic love 3 times in my life, so far, & I have to say that all 3 guys had their flaws & assets; but they all taught me different things about myself. That valuable knowledge has allowed me to learn how to inspire, depend, & challenge myself.

My experience has taught me that self evolution is difficult but necessary. And to be quite honest with you, I am becoming addicted to self challenges. It's hard to explain, but when you achieve something that you thought you were incapable of, & when you succeed the challenge: it's empowering! Being able to have self discipline, especially when it comes to sex (for me), is the ultimate rush!

I know my worth! My brutal honesty, loyalty, & passionate soul is my gift to my future partner!