I'm back to my hectic working schedule; been extremely busy taking care of my father and my family. But, on my days off, after taking care of everything & everybody I find myself struggling with my ultimate demon! My deep desire to have MY healthy relationship, I crave my own love. I have a very aggressive sexual appetite & a loyal & passionate heart, but am having a difficult time finding somebody worthy to share that with!
Thank God I have a couple of close friends who keep me on the straight & narrow! I've had a couple of inappropriate relationships since my divorce, needless to say, dating for me, with my hectic schedule, is impossible. I've had a few good dates, but nothing that I can say is worth talking about.
As for my aggressive sexual appetite, I have spoken to my gynecologist & therapist regarding these desires & they both seem to think its healthy, I've been told that because I had my family so young & still in my prime, that these urges are normal. My gynecologist thinks I should celebrate this energy & be safe with my actions. My therapist thinks there is no harm in my desires, but also thinks I should focus on other aspects of my life.
But my mind & body seem to focus on my sexual needs, so I have to learn how to tame my testosterone! It has not been easy, I have cut some ties with a few "male friends" that might take advantage of my "vulnerable" state. Although, those feelings are a big part of my confidence level! I have thrown myself back into work & working out, I am also actively taking steps to re-train my brain. I am focusing more on my family & all tasks that keep me from those sexual desires. But, with everything I have to keep me busy, I still have my days when those feelings overwhelm me!!! I ask my male & female friends alike, is there something wrong with me? My female friends tell me I'm a man trapped in a woman's body! But I love being a woman & feeling fit & sexy! My male friends tell me that no regular man will ever be able to handle me, but I want to be handled😜!
As time passes I hope to tame my testosterone!
And maybe in time, these strong desires subside! (NOT) Until then, I will try to keep busy doing positive things & keeping away from negative men! Lol
I have adopted yoga & am currently learning how to meditate deeply, it has proven to work for me. My journey to enlightenment has begun. I hope to be able to peace & balance within myself.
