Solidifying my aspirations

 Good afternoon bloggers,

Yes I know it has been a long time since I posted an entry! But, I have a legitimate excuse, or should I say excuses....!? I have been very busy with family work, & now grad school, that’s right you read right, GRAD school!

Those of you who know me well , know that I have been wanting to go to school to become a sex therapist, yes a sex therapist. Ya’ll know damn well why, if not here is why: As ya’ll already know I have always aspired to be the next Dr. Ruth with a Latina & comedic take on sexual situations. But having lost my only brother to the AIDS epidemics has left me with the desire to serve those in the LGTBQ community. When my brother was alive and fell sick, I became his caregiver. I would take him to all his doctors appointments and made sure he took his meds on time and took him to all his therapies. While waiting for him in the waiting room I learned that within the LGTBQ community the incidents of suicide were very high. It was @ this time that I felt the desire to want to help this community. Having more family members within this community fed my desire even more. I felt like I wanted to do more in a professional capacity.

As my life move forward and I eventually got married & divorced my desires grew to include wanting to help couples and individuals who struggle with intimate relationships. It is through therapy and self examination that I continue to discover that self care & self love helps with intimate relationships. We all have our own experiences and how we interpret and process these experiences. But learning how to resolve these conflicts may sometimes require help. I’ve learned this firsthand and I continue to work on myself so I can offer a better version for myself and those I love and that includes the people I render services too.

Those who work with me know that I am very passionate about my patients and take allot of pride in my work ethic. But, unfortunately my 16 years of working the night shift has begun to take a toll on me physically. I have noticed that it takes me a whole day to recover from working 2 nights consecutively! I have also noticed that I am starting to tank @ 3 am while @ work & that has recently started happening. I’m usually so full of energy during my 12-13 hour shifts. I have been exercising to combat my tiredness but to no avail! I’m reluctant to admit that I now am under the care of 3 doctors: cardiologist, pulmonologist, and most recently a gastroenterologist! I’ve been told by all 3 that I have to make it a priority to lose 10 pounds! Easily said than done. 

And I share this to urge you to practice self-care. We are the only ones who know how to take care of ourselves the best, because we know what we need, want, & deserve. It can start by just asking time to spend by yourself, take a brisk walk, enjoy what nature has to offer. Do something that brings you calm, for me its cooking and spending quality time with my kids & grandkids. Yes, it’s that damn simple! I also get a sense of zen when I’m cooking and eating with my family. Surround yourself with positive people and stay positive. We all are living in stressful times, but it behooves you to focus on all your blessings and stop comparing yourself to others. We all have our own journey’s to take and those journeys are as unique as we are! Have faith that things will work out for the best & never take anybody for granted.

So allow me to share with you what brings me peace & calm into my life:

  

Is there a solution to our revolution

Good morning bloggers,

So after pleading with my nephew about the unsafe environment of where he wants to protest & march, he successfully organized a rally & march in Newark. I was not going to attend because I worked the night before, but, I wanted to support him & my sons were also attending.

Most of my children & my nephew were born & raised in Newark, NJ. We were the first hispanic family on my block in the southward, on Weequahic Avenue & Maple Avenue- specifically. Back in 1985 it was a culture shock for our surrounding neighbors, they @ first were not as friendly. I had allot of issues @ school because I was the only Latina in my class. My high school, Weequahic, was predominantly African American I was the only Latina attending during that era. I, unfortunately did not graduate, I winded up having my first born my senior year then second & third born consecutively. I did raise all 5 of my kids in Newark, until I met my ex-husband then moved to Bloomfield, then eventually West Orange- where we bought our first house.

Now back to the rally/march, we had started the rally @ University High School on Clinton place & off of Clinton Avenue. I had not been there in years, upon arriving @ our destination, I noticed it was like a time capsule! Not much has changed, I was disappointed to see that the neighborhood has not progressed & has become stagnant.

 I'm not sure if my nephew had put out fliers within the community for this protest/rally/march. But, we were definitely not welcomed there, we were told that we were not from there, that police brutality did not exist in that neighborhood & they basically stopped us from marching to our final destination, which was the police precinct on Bergen & Clinton! We were literally 1 block away when they formed a line & started attacking us verbally & physically! I had to be held back by my nephew & other protesters & reminded that we were a peaceful group. Don't get it twisted, I never claimed Newark as my hood, but I lived there long enough to know how they get down & I never backed down! Especially when it comes to the safety of my boys!

Needless to say, I had to remind myself that this was the very reason I moved my family out of Newark! Not to say all of the residents are ignorant- just enough to make all of them look bad. We did have some residents that embraced our presence who cared for our safety, & even accepted the free items we bought: water, vegetables, feminine supplies, diapers, & wipes.

I couldn't understand why they didn't want us to stand up for equality & stand against police brutality. Maybe they were mad because they didn't think to organize & stand for something so important to our modern day society!?!?!? Is their ignorance that deep? Now I see why most of my high school associates migrated south.

Which gets back to my question: Is there a solution to this revolution?

Fear/Anxiety/Anger

Good evening bloggers,

It's been a while, but, I have been busy with the result of what COVID19 has caused me. Just when I thought I was managing my anxiety well, outrage breaks out due to another black life lost to blue hands! Which is confusing to me, this hatred of white vs. black, because this country has this misbelief that black lives are disposable & those black lives don't matter. But, if you look @ this country's history, you will learn that this country evolved on the backs of people of color. And people of color have been the success of this country. Without their hard work, this country would have no foundation!

Those who know me & my family know that we have conviction & passion! With that being said, all of my kids including my nephew share a deep desire to change the current culture of the dynamic of that minority lives don't matter in this country. My kids & grandkids are mixed with Latino & African American, so they are hated on a deeper level. The fact that they are educated & have passion & conviction make them an even bigger target for hatred! So this is what inspired this entry.

You see, my dilemma is that I raised all my kids to stand up for what's right & always help those who can't help themselves, to always advocate for the weak & shut down the wrong. So, this leads up to my boys now organizing protests & also puts them @ risk for being harmed or even killed!
My fear is that my adult children will be harmed or killed just because the tone of their skin! My anxiety is that I don't think I can handle another family member dying unnecessarily ! And my anger is that we still have to deal with this shit @ this day & age!

As a healthcare provider I know that death & illness know no boundaries! Disease & trauma is color blind, death doesn't care what color your skin is, how old you are & what titles are behind your name! We all bleed red & we all turn blue without oxygen! When will this country/world understand that we are all basically the same! We all want to be loved & accepted & it doesn't matter what the color of our skin is, we all die whether it be traumatically, tragically, or gracefully, we all have the same fate!
but what really distinguishes us as individuals, is how we treat our fellow human beings.

So I encourage you to treat each other with respect & dignity. For the sake of our future we need kindness & understanding to move forward. Let me remind you that one day you will be in my ICU bed & I will treat you with empathy, dignity & respect, no matter what skin color you have!

Rise

Good morning bloggers,
In honor of Mother’s Day I was inspired by a picture that my son sent me via text. In this picture you see my mother and myself looking out the window with uncertainty. As the matriarchs of our family we tend to worry about our children and their future. Needless to say, I am so proud of all of my children! They remind me of what is important in my life and that will always be their well-being. As a single mother I struggled to raise my children, but my priority was to give them a sense of confidence, resilience, & perseverance. As descendants from the Latin family, we take pride on our children’s success. But, I took a different approach when I had my children, I chose to lead by example. I was the first in my family to have a college degree, and I expected my children to do the same.
We rise to lift others, that includes our family & those we love. Those loved ones include friends, colleagues & significant others.  We tend to bring out the best in each other, and we expect that to be reciprocated. Which is one of the reasons why I always try to be a positive entity wherever I go & that has been difficult to maintain under these intense times. Not being around my family has been extremely difficult for me, because they’re the source of my strength. We try to FaceTime & text each as often as possible, but we’re huggers, so not being able to hug each other has been hard, especially for me!  I am anticipating the day that I get to see my children and my grandchildren and be able to hug and love them the way they deserve. But until then I will continue to rise to lift them.