Discovering my inner mogul

Hey ya'll,

It hasn't been too long, but on my nights off I find myself allowing my creative juices flow, so here we go:

Coming from immigrant parents who came to this country to pursue "the American Dream" it was installed in me to work hard, further my education, & own my own house. That sounds like a good dream, but I've been there & done that. As I age I'm discovering that I possess a higher calling & I have the gift of moving & inspiring people! It's one of the major reasons I use my blog as a platform to inspire & motivate people to think for themselves! And the fact that life has this funny way of throwing curves at you as you try to fulfill your highest potential, hence this entry. Those curves are the main reason that pushes me to share my experiences, it also allows a documented timeline for me to look back on & realize how far I have come.

Coming from very stoic parents who were not vocal & for the most part tried to lead by example, I have taken those basic goals & set them higher. As a very young mom I knew I wanted a better life for my kids, now that they're grown I still have the need to fulfill my own full potential.

I am discovering that I do better on my own & by myself. The reason being that when I'm into something or somebody I give them or that my all! So now that I am single, I am giving myself my all. And I mean in all aspects of my life, which includes, physically, mentally, emotionally, & soulfully. I am currently in the midst of a 10 week fit challenge, and I am also researching how to pursue my enterprenial goals. Unfortunately, because I am "too passionate" about my goals, I am going to have to ebb my intimate relationship life. And I have always said, if God wants me to be with somebody, he will send him to me @ the right time.

As for my inner mogul, I have so many ideas that I have to work on to make into my reality. I just hope that the people that really matter stick around & watch & help in my growth & will be there to celebrate my successes!

Reminders from the almighty

Good morning bloggers,

Just wanted to share this thought with you guys. I'm not sure what to make of it?!?!? I'm trying to decipher whether it is exhaustion or the lord speaking to me in my dreams!?!?! I rarely dream, but when I do, my God! They feel so real & vivid to me! I can feel, hear, smell, & almost touch in them which make them feel real to me! So, in a midst of multiple nights in a row, I was asked to reschedule, leaving me off tonight. I didn't realize how exhausted my body was until I laid back down & fell asleep again; my eyes felt so heavy & my body so numb.

I wake back in the time where my youngest son was a toddler, & my other son was a teenager & my mom was still alive. I am also still trying to salvage my marriage in an apartment that harbors many unpleasant memories for me. In this dream/nightmare I come to that apartment with my mom & 2 sons to pick up some stuff, & to my surprise- it is occupied with my ex & his mistress. I try to avoid confrontation but, the persistent side of me confronts him to ask why? I can feel him grab my arms & whisper in my ear, "I can't be with someone who is not my equal", these words resonated inside me, to the point of waking up!

So, here I lay trying to psycho analyze what this meant for me!?!? The thoughts are depriving me of further sleep! The realities are that, my mom for some reason did not like my ex, but I have taken that apart in components: she didn't like him because he took her baby from her, he also took her grandchildren from her, & he moved us out of state. & I believe that's why her presence was in the dream, to remind me of that & make me cognizant of that fact.

Moving on to the next part of this dream/nightmare, my sons are 2 years apart, my youngest loved my ex dearly, my older son resented him,  because he took his mom from him.  Not literally,  but in his mind, his mom prior to this relationship,  was completely devoted to them- & that changed once she was in that relationship. He now had to share his mom with this other person & I believe that my son was not willing to do that yet. & although both of my sons came to respect, love & admire my ex, they were also deeply affected by the separation then eventually the divorce profoundly! Because it was the first man they saw their mother trust completely & give herself  wholeheartedly. And they saw how that affected me, the strong woman who allowed a man to not only weaken her, but debilitate her very being!

As for what he whispered into my ear, the reality of that is: @ the time all this happened I had started grad school for my doctorate & the person he left us for - let me just leave that out, because I am trying to analyze what this meant to me! I think this dream/nightmare was trying to remind me that I still have allot of work to do on myself & I am in no way, shape or form to completely give myself to anybody else! I'm still discovering who I am as a woman, for that matter a human being! The presence of my sons, mother, & ex, imply that I allow people who mean the most to me affect me. But, I am happy to report that: I'm making myself the most meaningful person in my life! And I will only allow myself to affect me profoundly!

I hope you guys enjoyed this one, because I revealed myself & shared my vulnerabilities!