The Lack Of!

 Good morning bloggers,

So another semester down, total of 8 courses, 1 year done and 3 more to go, 24 credits bagged with a 3.8 GPA-and 40 more to conquer! So, needless to say I have been slaying grad school. But, the dating scene has been disappointing! As of September 2021, I have been divorced for 10 years, I didn't even realize it until I was having a conversation with my therapist during a recent session. I went over how it took me almost 3 years to get over a 13 year realtionship and the mistrust my ex-husband burdened me with, which was an upgrade from the damage that my babies' daddy had already scarred me with! And although he had promised me that he would NEVER hurt me/cause me pain, because he knew that I had suffered in my past. Instead, we built together for 13 years, traveled, supported and loved each other until he found someone younger. Ok, rant over, he's over, we're over; and as I am well over that situation. Many lessons learned, childhood trauma and adult manifestations realized, healing continues and evolution and self love begin within me.

So after getting over my marriage, I became involved in an inappropriate relationship with someone, who I thought, was my soul mate. And even though we knew of each others flaws and complicated situations we became involved in an inappropriate sexual and emotional relationship. Why innapropriate you ask, because of his role in my life and where he was in his. And although the romance was short lived, due to his untimely death, he taught me to look within myself for strength, wisdom and love. Unfortunately/fortunately I fell into a situationship that taught me other valuable lessons. Those include, but are not limited to, the following: assess if the one you're interested in has worked through their childhood trauma (YES! we all have childhood trauma! there's just different levels to it), ascertain emotional intelligence/ignorance (YES! most men don't know what EI even is, let alone how to express it!), inquire about his love language/s (YES, men ARE capable of having more than one love language, we already established that women are well versed in multi-lingual LL), discuss work ehtic and goals long and short term (why? because most men are comfortable and lack upwards mobility), ask his views on family and his personal family dynamics (because we all have very different family dynamics and it manifests into the relationship), and last, but certainly not least, are the levels of sexual compatibility between the both of you similar (because I have yet to meet a man that mirrors my sexual drive &/or kink level)!

So, you ask why the title: the lack of, because after being on the dating scene for almost 7 years there is a defecit of men that lack substance! I have tried it all, dating apps, matchmakers (expensive AF! for no damn reason), and yes, even friendly set-ups. What do they lack you ask, hm let me commence this long ass list: 

1. honesty- the capability to be honest with oneself and share and continue that honesty with you

2. loyalty- the ability to maintain exclusivity

3. consistency- say what you mean and mean what you say!

4. couth- possesing culture, well mannered, refined

5. chivalry- having courtesy, generosity, and valor

6. originality- be yourself!

7. courage- not being afraid to be yourself and sharing your vulnerabilities

8. vulnerability- willingness to accept the emotional risks that comes from being open and accepting to love and be loved

9. sensitivity- the quality of being sensitive (being mindful of your own feelings and the feelings of others)

10. affection- displays of physical/sexual liking/love/fondness

11. intelligence-the ability to acqquire and apply knowledge

12. sensibility- the ability to appreciate and respond to complex emotional/aesthetic influences

Now keep in mind that this is my personal list, and as I mentioned before- it's not limited to the listed traits. And yes this entry follows my rant that I posted on FB. But, let's be clear, I still believe in love and have faith that my soulmate/twin flame exists!