Here it is 1 hour before a 12 hour shift @ the Hack & what am I doing, blogging! You ask-Why? Because it's my healing process & it helps me get through, that's why. So, I've been having more days off in between both jobs & I have had time to reflect on some current issues in my life. I have not been blogging due to the situation with my son, but that's water under the bridge & the only thing I can do @ this point is be here when he needs me & pray that he figures things out in a positive way & may God see him through. As for me, I have struggled with that decision to let go, but I can't help somebody who disrespects me & refuses to listen to me.
As for my healing process, I have written emails & taken allot of thoughts off my chest & sent them to the appropriate people & although I have expressed myself in the past, this time it seems different. I feel more confident with my current situation, still hurts, but I believe scabs are starting to form. Eventually, they will heal appropriately & not leave scars only memories. I have been talking to people who guide me through my healing process, but have become somewhat sufficient on relying on myself. I use to want to be around people & forget about situations, but it has been my experience, that for me- anyway, I have to face my demons & let them know how their actions have affected me. The whole process has allowed me to grow in ways I didn't know I was capable of growing. I also have started a new reading collection, thanks to my nephew (Tony- I love this kid). My new reading collection- thanks to Jess & Tony.
One realization I have had recently was that I let myself be content with settling & not challenging myself to obtain my calling. I loved being married & I know I just got too comfortable & let myself go & forgot that anything can be taken away @ any given moment. I don't regret my relationship, it enriched my life & my family in many ways & that is what I will treasure- not the negative way it ended. I pray & hope that I find somebody who is worthy of me & will appreciate what I have to offer. In the mean time, I will continue to work & strive for the person I can be & help my family achieve their goals. As for my son, who is in NM, I pray for you & ask God that he protects you & gives you the wisdom you need to make the right decisions. I have notified my friends in NM & they will keep an eye out for you- I love you & wish you the best.
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