Hopeful

GM fellow bloggers,
Here it is Columbus Day 2011 @ 0530, & I am waking up after 5.5 hours of sleep to clean up cocker spaniel diarrhea on my bedroom carpet- ah the joys of motherhood! Anyway, I have to apologize for not putting any entries on my blog, I had a follower ask me what was going on, but it has been a very eventful couple of days that have passed & I wasn't sure if I wanted to share with you guys. But after a discussion with people I love, whom encouraged me to write about it, who also said that sharing my situation might help somenone else in a similar situation gain some perspective, I have decided to share- so here we go:

Last weekend I realized I could no longer retain one of my children. As a mother we always want to take care of our children & want the best things out of life for them. But, sometimes it doesn't pan out that way. I have a very stubborn child, who swears they know what they're doing & knows too much, all the clashing & bucking of heads within the household came to complete stop a week ago when this child decided to leave & not come back! And although we were not getting along & there was allot of friction amongst us- I want them back @ the house! But I also know that as a mother the best thing you can do is allow your child the freedom to live their lives & be there for them when they need you- it's called tough love & that toughness is mostly more on the parent than on the child (they're to naive to know any better). I know for me, as a parent, I want & expect a certain level of respect & responsibility within my household & this particular child, after several attempts & different variations of discipline, was having trouble following the rules, hence the decision to leave.

It has been this situation that has emotionally drained me to the point where people around me have noticed a change in my demeanor & have become concerned. But, after discussing it with people I trust, they have advised me to just stand back & just be there when the time is right. Sometimes a decision that seems so hard to accept - is the only acceptable decision there is, if you know what I mean. So, like my pastor says, sometimes all you can do, Delilah, is leave it up to God & pray, & that is exactly what I am going to do & make sure I am here when this kid needs me. Time to reel in the life boat & watch this kid either swim or sink! The hardest thing I have been forced to do, to just stand back & wait- it's hard for moms to do this with their children, because we don't want our children to drown! I just hope this kid remembers the doggie paddle that I taught him.

On a happier note, this situation has created a better or should I say a tighter bond between my baby son & myself. This kid has stepped up & changed his attitude towards me in noticeable ways. He has been spending more time with me on my days off & is more affectionate, he always has been, but more now than ever. He even cooks & cleans without the lip!

This guy is going to make a wonderful husband! He cooks, cleans, fixes things & is so affectionate! I love him to death! This weekend we went to watch my god-daughter play soccer, ah I miss those days when managing the kids was more physical than emotional! Here is my new little soccer star, she scored 2 goals in her game yesterday & you know my big mouth was the loudest one on the field:

Yesterday was also the 16th year anniversary of my beloved brother's death. I spent most of it by myself, 16 years ago I lost my best friend, my motivator, my partner in crime. And although we fought allot, we always had each other's back, no matter what! It was because of him that I became a nurse & have high expectations for not only myself, but my kids as well. I was fine the whole day, it wasn't until I met my Mami @ the cemetery & saw her carefully putting flowers on his grave, that I lost it & cried like a little girl- it just reminded me how a mother's love is relentless (@ least for myself- for my kids, & for my mami & me)! I have faith & hope & that my troubled kid will do the right thing- my mami reminded me how stubborn I was & said & look @ you now, so what that statement I didn't worry as much, I know that each of my kids have a little of me in them & that knowledge alone gives me some peace. They all have the drive & intelligence I have, they just have to dig deep to find it & choose to exercise it. I have planted those seeds in the six kids that I raise: Tony, Sade, Sasha, Dasha, Shuan, & Shami. And I am hopeful that those seeds will sprout & help them gain their success, I just hope to be their to witness them blossoming. & on that note I leave you with images that moved me yesterday. (No quote today- images are sometimes more powerful than words)

My Mami

My Aunt & my brother- who gave me the drive & I will continue to aspire to bigger things until there is nothing left in me!