My greatest role

Good morning bloggers,

I find myself in Farmington, NM. I’m here to celebrate my twin grandsons’ birthdays! I can’t believe that they turn 1 today! I came out here a year ago to meet them & came back in May to celebrate their big sister’s 5th birthday. Time is flying by so fast! Which is why I was compelled to write this entry. I have played allot of roles in my life, as a daughter, sister, girlfriend, wife, student, mentor, nurse- etc. my list is long. But the role I pride myself the most on is the role as a mother to my children. It humbles me to watch my grown kids navigate their own lives & build a legacy for themselves. When I watch my son be such a loving father to his 3 children & watch my middle daughter be so supportive to her son & now she will be welcoming a new child. I’m in awe when I see my youngest daughter travel the world as she obtains her masters in computer science. I’m so proud of my oldest daughter’s wisdom & how she has become my rock. Watching my youngest son process life lessons & allowing him to mature into a young man has made me the most proudest of moms. But, now that I’m a Lola I want to continue to mold my family into a legacy that has not existed before my generation. I can proudly say that I’ve done all of this on my own terms & by myself with the help of others. I am eternally grateful for those who have helped me raise my children & had some vital input that has allowed my children to have these unique qualities that make them awesome human beings. Words could never describe how much I love them & how proud I am to call them my kids!  I also have to mention my god children & my nephews who have allowed me to mold them into dope human beings as well.

Consistently Resilient

Hey Bloggers,

So, it’s been a while since I last blogged. There is no excuse, I have been struggling with my new position, I’m afraid to get attached to anybody @ work & the more I practice nursing the less I want to do it; it’s like I am starting to resent it.
I feel like I was traumatized, whenever I get comfortable -something happens & I have to start all over again. Which, makes me feel like I should not allow myself to get comfortable. Everything that happens to me forces me to readapt. From my dad leaving @ 14 years old, to loosing my closest loved ones, it has been a very jagged journey for me. Emotionally draining, physically exhausting & causing my demeanor to continuously change. My resilience has become consistent & forced upon me.
At times I allow all these losses & changes anger me, but I continue to learn more about myself. As I evolve I’ve acquired the ability to mentally coach myself into to a positive space. This task may sound simple, but being a very stubborn person- thanks to my dad, it has been an ability difficult to acquire for me. I’m still learning how to manage my thoughts positively & not allow the outside environment to disrupt my inner peace. I don’t think humans realize how fragile our inner peace is & how it can be easily disrupted.
I sometimes feel uncomfortable when people tell me that they admire my strength, because in reality when the doors are closed & I am completely by myself I cry relentlessly, until my tear ducts can no longer produce tears. Then I hear the voices of my son or my nephew, who currently live with me, & I put my strong face mask back on.
The more time I spend by myself I have learned how to reflect on all those things that I have overcome & realize I still have a ways to go. So, you see my consistent resilience was forced upon me, but my strength continues to be fueled.
So I write this entry to celebrate all the women & men who have been forced into being strong & resilient consistently. I want all of you to learn how to take time for yourself & applaud yourself for all the situations you have overcome & how you continue to stay strong & not give up!
Don’t allow any situation, no matter how bad it may feel, disrupt your inner peace! This to shall pass & better days will come, surround yourself with people who love & appreciate you. Celebrate all your triumphs & let go of all your disappointments. Focus on your inner peace & happiness & allow the universe to bless you with all the good you can imagine! Stay blessed!

My resilience is real

Good morning bloggers,

So, I have been MIA (missing in action) because it’s taking all my energy to battle my depression. I just honored my mother’s death anniversary & that took allot out of me. It has been 6 years since I buried my mom & 24 years since I buried my beloved brother. They say that time heals all wounds, but, it has been my experience that it doesn’t.

Depression is a mood that drains you emotionally, mentally, spiritually, & physically. If ignored it can consume you & that consumption can turn into suicidal ideation. I am writing & posting this entry to bring awareness & shed light on this topic, & suggest ways to combat depression.

First & foremost, know that you’re not alone! Try to recognize & hone into your feelings, when you're blue/sad. Cry if you need to, until you can’t cry anymore! Then put your favorite music on & dance like your a fool! Learn how to make yourself happy & don’t attach your happiness to nobody or negative habits (i.e. smoking/drinking or other destructive behavior). Take time to investigate what makes you happy, dig deep into yourself & ask your conscience what makes you feel good & makes your soul smile? Even if you don’t feel like getting up, get out of bed, take a shower, get dressed & get the hell out of the house! Go to loved one’s house (family/friend), surround yourself with positive people that uplift you & engage in constructive activities. Examples include: exercising, hiking, exploring museums or art galleries, going to your favorite places (like the park or beach) for me, it’s NYC. Do things that make your heart content, my passions include blogging, spending time with loved ones, exploring new places & new experiences. Lately, I have been challenging myself by doing things I’m afraid of- that builds my confidence up!

Remember that bad things happen to good people & that doesn’t define your character, how you rise above those situations do! Also remember that when you invest time, energy & feelings to anything/anyone it hurts to lose it/them. But, you also gain wisdom & strength from that experience. The pain will eventually subside but, the scar will remain to remind you of your lesson & what you have overcome!
Know your worth & what your potential is & don’t let anybody throw shade on your shine!
Beam like the sun on the brightest days or like the moon on the darkest of night.

Without darkness we would never see the stars!
Let me share my soul nourishment with y’all: