Good evening bloggers,
So I went back & forth about putting this out on the internet. But being a mother & Lola, the thought of safety trumped all of my other feelings!
So as most of you know I had a brief relationship with someone I had allot in common with. He presented himself with good & genuine intent, but possessed allot of hidden anger. After several deep conversations he exposed to me that there existed cases of sexual abuse & molestation. I know from my sexual assault training that there are certain personalities that are incapable of recovering from this trauma. And although he wasn’t the victim, he was traumatized & it had affected him profoundly to the point that it affected his social life. His trauma gave birth to allot of insecurities that manifested in anger & lack of confidence when it came to social situations. But it also allowed him to flourish @ work because he was more focused on succeeding professionally.
Don’t get me wrong, he had allot of great qualities. He was very affectionate, a great listener, consistent, loyal, & most importantly he loves NYC as much as I do. As a matter of fact, all of these qualities were the reasons I became fond of him. But as time passed by I noticed certain things that were inconsistent. His behavior changed abruptly, his anger was set off by my words & he became verbally aggressive. When I would call him out on it, he would apologize profusely & then the roses would come accompanied by sweet gestures. But that anger was always there, it came to a point where I could not deal with it anymore. I’m not the type of person that can walk on eggshells or change who I am to accommodate a person that is hyper sensitive!
Needless to say I had to break up with him, but this was a process, because he persuaded me to stay & went back to therapy & showed improvement, but that anger had a hold on him & so I had to let him go. But it wasn’t until he stalked & harassed me @ work that I saw how crazy & inappropriate this person was!
And this is what prompted me to write this entry. To raise awareness, living in an era of Me Too & in a society that no longer tolerates any type of abuse against women. Abuse comes in all shapes & forms, it does not have to be sexual in nature. It can be verbal, emotional, & physical. If it takes from you, demeans you, & makes you feel low, it’s abuse!
When you truly love yourself you become aware of your self worth & nobody is deserving of compromising that! I know what I bring to the table & I also know that it’s going to take someone very special to engage me @ all levels of my complexity.
So, love yourself! Discover your worth, nurture your talents. Expose yourself to everything, educate yourself, explore your flaws, accept them, work on them. Better yourself, it’s okay to be vulnerable but know you can gain strength & wisdom when you do this.
Listen to your gut, never second guess yourself. Have confidence in your woman’s intuition or your gut feeling! It’s our God given defense mechanism. Don’t be afraid to speak up, if it makes you feel uncomfortable confront the person that is making you feel uncomfortable! Communication is key!
Surround yourself with positive loving people, people who accept all your craziness & are able to be honest with you & it can be reciprocated. Stay positive, be positive, talk positive! Be kind, be nice, be loving, be yourself!
So I went back & forth about putting this out on the internet. But being a mother & Lola, the thought of safety trumped all of my other feelings!
So as most of you know I had a brief relationship with someone I had allot in common with. He presented himself with good & genuine intent, but possessed allot of hidden anger. After several deep conversations he exposed to me that there existed cases of sexual abuse & molestation. I know from my sexual assault training that there are certain personalities that are incapable of recovering from this trauma. And although he wasn’t the victim, he was traumatized & it had affected him profoundly to the point that it affected his social life. His trauma gave birth to allot of insecurities that manifested in anger & lack of confidence when it came to social situations. But it also allowed him to flourish @ work because he was more focused on succeeding professionally.
Don’t get me wrong, he had allot of great qualities. He was very affectionate, a great listener, consistent, loyal, & most importantly he loves NYC as much as I do. As a matter of fact, all of these qualities were the reasons I became fond of him. But as time passed by I noticed certain things that were inconsistent. His behavior changed abruptly, his anger was set off by my words & he became verbally aggressive. When I would call him out on it, he would apologize profusely & then the roses would come accompanied by sweet gestures. But that anger was always there, it came to a point where I could not deal with it anymore. I’m not the type of person that can walk on eggshells or change who I am to accommodate a person that is hyper sensitive!
Needless to say I had to break up with him, but this was a process, because he persuaded me to stay & went back to therapy & showed improvement, but that anger had a hold on him & so I had to let him go. But it wasn’t until he stalked & harassed me @ work that I saw how crazy & inappropriate this person was!
And this is what prompted me to write this entry. To raise awareness, living in an era of Me Too & in a society that no longer tolerates any type of abuse against women. Abuse comes in all shapes & forms, it does not have to be sexual in nature. It can be verbal, emotional, & physical. If it takes from you, demeans you, & makes you feel low, it’s abuse!
When you truly love yourself you become aware of your self worth & nobody is deserving of compromising that! I know what I bring to the table & I also know that it’s going to take someone very special to engage me @ all levels of my complexity.
So, love yourself! Discover your worth, nurture your talents. Expose yourself to everything, educate yourself, explore your flaws, accept them, work on them. Better yourself, it’s okay to be vulnerable but know you can gain strength & wisdom when you do this.
Listen to your gut, never second guess yourself. Have confidence in your woman’s intuition or your gut feeling! It’s our God given defense mechanism. Don’t be afraid to speak up, if it makes you feel uncomfortable confront the person that is making you feel uncomfortable! Communication is key!
Surround yourself with positive loving people, people who accept all your craziness & are able to be honest with you & it can be reciprocated. Stay positive, be positive, talk positive! Be kind, be nice, be loving, be yourself!
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