Here I am again burning the midnight oil. I worked overnight last night @ SBMC & had class @ HUMC right after my shift & I got all my HIV & STD testing done after class! That's right, I get tested every year, remember one can never be too safe. And, I am always safe, no matter what!
But enough of that, my topic of choice for this entry is my dad. All who know me, know that I have reconnected with my dad; I also promised my mom to make peace with him. And as you all know, I listen to my mom. But, the reunion was short lived, soon after my mom's death I started visiting my dad weekly. Our visits were brief & awkward, our conversations were short & cold. But, I kept going, even though there was no emotional connection. Soon after our weekly visits, my dad fell ill & because I am his oldest & the only child that visits him, I took him & his wife to the emergency room. I had to verbally & physically manipulate him to go to the hospital. Although this man has other children, it has fallen on me to look after him. Notice I chose my words wisely, I don't take care of my father, I look over him. I just re- entered his life after 30 years. He has met my children, but, they were already college grads & teenagers. He didn't get to see them grow up or partake in there many accomplishments. So, you see, my emotional attachment to this man, who is my father, is very faint. But, I do thank him & feel like I have to do right by him, because if it wasn't for him I would not exist.
As for the title of this entry, I ask myself did I succeed & continue to strive because of you or in spite of you? There has been some persons in my life that I ask this same question. I have concluded that it maybe a combination of both. I don't smoke or drink in spite of my father's addiction. I continue to strive because of my mother & children, I will not give up on myself, because I deserve what I want & am capable of achieving my desires. I am strong willed & determined. And although lately, I have been down & out, I'm not doing anything but hurting myself. But, I needed some time to grieve my mom's passing & now I am ready to get back on my horse & cross the finish line in first place! And I am the only one who can hinder myself. So it is with positive thoughts & faith that I continue my journey to my success!
My Dad!
No comments:
Post a Comment