Defamation of character

 Good Morning Bloggers,

These past 2 weeks have been a whirlwind since I came back from NM! From solidifying my concerns about my twin grandsons, then coming home to being falsely accused of things that I never did or said (by my only living Aunt), to being slandered by my maternal sister! Not sure why these demons are attacking my character but your words fall on deaf ears, because my actions scream, and have always, louder than the hot air coming from your mouths. The more hate that comes from your soul, the further I walk away from it all, I will not allow myself to get caught up in your web of lies, I will not feed into your negative energy, and I will no longer foster the toxicity. I've done right by the both of you and I'm not sure why I have become your target, but I refuse to take any of it without action.

And because I am the bigger and better person, and this has caused me emotional pain to the point it manifested physically; I choose to walk away. Your unkind words and your negative energy has cost you a whole niece, and sister. I will pray for the both of you and hope that y'all seek treatment for your personality disorders, may you save whatever good you both have left in those dark souls. May this post shed some light to your darkness, I'm praying for you both. Thank the for showing me who y'all really are, y'all mistook my kindness for weakness, and now that I know what the feelings genuinely are, I walk away, as far away as I can. 

And what I have learned throughout my journey is that people hate and lie on you because of what you represent, they're jealous of your energy and fear your greatness! And that my dear has nothing to do with me! My Aura is positive, my energy is light and goodness, so take your shade to where it belongs the dark side. Diligently praying for both of your souls!

Messages from heaven

 Good evening bloggers,

It is with heavy heart that I write this entry! I have been to NM to visit my grands & spend some quality time with them. I noticed that they were struggling with their speech and at three years old they really should be potty trained but they weren’t, I decided to ask my son if we could take them to their pediatrician who is my best friend. It was at that time that we found out that they have developmental speech delays and one of them met the markers for autism. So that is just one of the things that I am very concerned about, the other being my sister and my aunt lying about me. being hurt by someone who you took care of expecting nothing in return, was very hurtful. I have been struggling with this decision, but have decided to choose myself and take care of myself. So moving forward I will focus on myself and do just that, take care of myself. Needless to say I am cutting off toxic people from my life whether they be blood related or not.

Fast forward to Saturday which was the 26th death anniversary of my brother, whom I love very dearly and miss very much. As I visited my mothers grave today and I saw at least seven deer just prancing around, it brought tears to my eyes because it was that same day that I was told that my father passed. Anyone who is very close to me knows that I am a very spiritual human being and there has been some situations that I have experienced that has solidified this belief of mine. Needless to say I feel that those dear represented family members who are already dead who are dancing because now they are together, so I picture my mom my dad my brother my aunt my grandmother and my grandfather and my cousin all dancing together. I then visited my brothers grave, where I saw this one deer looking  confused but after observing this deer for over 20 minutes it became more confident and started walking then prancing almost like it was OK being on its own. If that’s not a sign I don’t know what it is; so that’s why I chose the title, messages from heaven. When God speaks to you, you listen whether it be a warning or a sign that’s solidifying a thought, you can’t ignore the signs, you have to listen and be grateful that you  have that gift. So I share with you and leave you with people that I love and care for genuinely and deeply.

Strength

 Good evening bloggers,

School, work & family have consumed most of my time. My sister has been living with me since January & it has been very difficult for me to care for her because she reminds me so much of my mom. Between writing papers, dialysis, work, doc appointments and life in general! I have not had time to write an entry in my blog. Although, I still have been able to have a little balance in my life, I have managed to fit in swimming and hikes to my already hectic schedule. As for the title of this entry, my strength has multiplied! I have managed to maintain an A average in school and that has definitely fed into my confidence, also being able to multi- task everyday & manage my sister’s disease. She is a constant reminder of how important it is for me to take care of myself & manage my health. I have become very cognizant of how crucial it is for me to maintain my physical and mental health, hence surrounding myself with like-minded people who bring me zen!

It’s never too late to practice rituals that increase endorphins and increase our serotonin levels. People who know me well, know that- that has been key to keeping my mental health stable! I love surrounding myself with people I love & love me back! So with that being said, I close this entry with snapshots of those loved ones.

Purpose

 Good morning bloggers,

It’s been a while since I’ve submitted an entry, but I’ve been busy. As for the title for this entry, purpose, I have been made aware that for most of us we struggle to find what our purpose is in life. But I have also been blessed to know that my purpose in my life is to nurture, support, help, and protect my offspring. It has taken me almost 50 years to have this epiphany, I found myself questioning my purpose after my divorce 10 years ago. Along the way I developed skills which I like to consider gifts. And those include nurturing, supporting, helping and healing others. Hence, my profession as a nurse. It took me years to develop and hone in on these skills. But I have become very good at providing a nurturing and healing environment for my patients. And in doing so, it has allowed me to do the same for my children and grandchildren, I have created an environment that has allowed me to help, support, and nurture them mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially.

I have always had this belief that God/the universe/ whatever superior being you believe in, bestows us with gifts, and it is up to us to take these gifts, perfect them and then share them. Over the years within my profession and within my personal life I have been bestowed gifts and I have taken these gifts and perfected them and now I use them to help others. My gifts include writing, photography, sharing, being genuine and vulnerable; and not being afraid to share these with everybody. And although sometimes I believe I embarrass my children, I know that, that embarrassment comes with a silver lining and that silver lining is that my truth helps others. That help is disguised in many ways, one being the feeling of not being alone, allows for connectivity, and the sharing of wisdom and strength.

You see we all are human, and in being human we all have journeys we have to take to discover who we truly are. And with some of us it takes longer than others, and others know right away. I unfortunately am a late bloomer, but that doesn’t mean that I will not take advantage of my wisdom and share it with those who I care for and love. You see we all have a purpose whether you know it or not, we all bring something to this universe whether it be bad or good and it is up to us to share that purpose. For me, I share my purpose through the written language, and through my photography, and this is why I blog and share my experiences. My truth serves a purpose in my life and in the lives of others, my experiences and what I learn from them help me be a better version of myself and may help others with their journeys in their lives. So you see, sharing my truth is also my purpose, it may help others discover their purpose.

So don’t be surprised or afraid when you figure out what your life purpose is, the universe knows your truth and what you can handle. Just take in stride and perfect your gift and you to will provide the universe with your special gifts!

Solidifying my aspirations

 Good afternoon bloggers,

Yes I know it has been a long time since I posted an entry! But, I have a legitimate excuse, or should I say excuses....!? I have been very busy with family work, & now grad school, that’s right you read right, GRAD school!

Those of you who know me well , know that I have been wanting to go to school to become a sex therapist, yes a sex therapist. Ya’ll know damn well why, if not here is why: As ya’ll already know I have always aspired to be the next Dr. Ruth with a Latina & comedic take on sexual situations. But having lost my only brother to the AIDS epidemics has left me with the desire to serve those in the LGTBQ community. When my brother was alive and fell sick, I became his caregiver. I would take him to all his doctors appointments and made sure he took his meds on time and took him to all his therapies. While waiting for him in the waiting room I learned that within the LGTBQ community the incidents of suicide were very high. It was @ this time that I felt the desire to want to help this community. Having more family members within this community fed my desire even more. I felt like I wanted to do more in a professional capacity.

As my life move forward and I eventually got married & divorced my desires grew to include wanting to help couples and individuals who struggle with intimate relationships. It is through therapy and self examination that I continue to discover that self care & self love helps with intimate relationships. We all have our own experiences and how we interpret and process these experiences. But learning how to resolve these conflicts may sometimes require help. I’ve learned this firsthand and I continue to work on myself so I can offer a better version for myself and those I love and that includes the people I render services too.

Those who work with me know that I am very passionate about my patients and take allot of pride in my work ethic. But, unfortunately my 16 years of working the night shift has begun to take a toll on me physically. I have noticed that it takes me a whole day to recover from working 2 nights consecutively! I have also noticed that I am starting to tank @ 3 am while @ work & that has recently started happening. I’m usually so full of energy during my 12-13 hour shifts. I have been exercising to combat my tiredness but to no avail! I’m reluctant to admit that I now am under the care of 3 doctors: cardiologist, pulmonologist, and most recently a gastroenterologist! I’ve been told by all 3 that I have to make it a priority to lose 10 pounds! Easily said than done. 

And I share this to urge you to practice self-care. We are the only ones who know how to take care of ourselves the best, because we know what we need, want, & deserve. It can start by just asking time to spend by yourself, take a brisk walk, enjoy what nature has to offer. Do something that brings you calm, for me its cooking and spending quality time with my kids & grandkids. Yes, it’s that damn simple! I also get a sense of zen when I’m cooking and eating with my family. Surround yourself with positive people and stay positive. We all are living in stressful times, but it behooves you to focus on all your blessings and stop comparing yourself to others. We all have our own journey’s to take and those journeys are as unique as we are! Have faith that things will work out for the best & never take anybody for granted.

So allow me to share with you what brings me peace & calm into my life: