Building my happiness & having faith in it!

Hello my fellow bloggers,

I know it has been a while since I have submitted an entry, but, I have been living my life! I am glad to report that I have finally learned not to expect anything in life. To enjoy what is & if my situations are negative or positive take the good things to enhance my life & learn from the negative, either way, I gain something & turn it into positive!

I have been enjoying my family, especially my grand kids. They have given me a different perspective on life. Having lost pivotal people in my life has made me realize that I have to appreciate those I love more while I am still alive. I have slowed down my work flow, but I am disappointed to report that my education goals have been put on pause. My relationships with my colleagues has become stronger, they have become my support system & my family. My closest friends have become my cheerleaders & continue to stand by my side no matter what!

As for my mental & physical health, I have adopted a set of healthy habbits, which include a 10 minute physical challenge & @ least a 4 mile walk daily. I am also weaning myself off of meat & been eating more veggies & fruits. And have been volunteering acts of kindness to people/strangers, I believe its good karma. I'm trying to show my kids & grand kids that this is a way of living to make our world better. I hope they follow in my lead. Forgiving those who have hurt me has also been challenging, but it is a must, to let go & let God. The only person who can't get over his truth is my ex-husband- let it go Mark, you have given me back to me! We are good!

And finally, my relationship status: which has flourished! After failing, with paying a large sum to a matchmaker, a few inappropriate relationships, & constantly being harassed by guys (of all ages) with 1 track minds, I have reconnected with a lost love. Somebody who has known me before I became me & who is not intimidated by all I am & have to offer. 28 years of lessons & situations has built my character & I have evolved in so many ways, all leading up to this. He is private, & I have to respect that, so I won't mention his name. We have been talking & rediscovering ourselves for the past couple of months & we are moving forward! we will be redefining our own relationship & not comparing it to any standards. But, I do look forward to building an empire with him & finally trusting in love & constructing our lives together, with faith: anything is possible.

So allow me to share me & mine with you:

                                           My little minnie me, has all her Lola's character

                                                        My legacy keeps growing!

                  I definitely love my children, as much as they drain me , they build my character!

                 My boy toys! Always lifting my spirits when I need it the most! Love them: RJ & Mel

 My ride or die! Through itt all this chic has held me down no matter what! The love & respect is        real!

Jovita, my church sister, she always prays over me & guides me when I'm down!

My other ride or die: Joanna, I am so blessed to have multiple people who are for me & I for them!

Lilibeth, my conscience, she keeps me straight & reminds me of my positive aura & how not to misuse it!

And my most important accomplishment: my grandchildren!

Oloff & my Peds ED family from SBMC- they always have my bac! 

Trusting in Love

Good evening bloggers,

It has been a long time since I've submitted an entry, but I have good reason. I welcomed my 1st grandson & spent time with my 1st grand daughter! It has been amazing to see my kids become responsible & caring adults. I guess the apples don't fall too far from the tree. I am so proud of my son, Shuan (Bebe), & my daughter, Sasha, for becoming such good parents. I watched in amazement on how they are handling parenthood. It humbles me to see them support each other & be so loving towards one another.
    While being around all of my kids, we had a conversation regarding healthy relationships, & I realized that everybody defines a healthy relationship differently. For me it's a combination of things & personality traits. I've been lucky to have experienced those qualities & things, but, it has been a difficult & trying time finding it again. Like I was telling my family, there are certain situations I refuse to expose myself to & I realize that I have to be willing to put myself out there. For the last 4 years I have chosen situations that I deem to be safe for me, but in reality the situations I chose for myself were toxic & inappropriate. It has taken me 3 years to make the decision of eliminating certain people from my life; but, @ the same time, I feel the need to help those same people through there situation. I'm quickly learning how to distance myself from toxic situations. I have to say, it's hard for me because I genuinely care for these people.
     My closest friends have rallied behind me & are making sure I don't relapse into my hold habits, & for that I am eternally grateful. I can truly say that I am too blessed to be stressed! I have an awesome support system, which includes my family & friends.
     Allow me to share these beautiful people & experiences that I am so blessed to have in my life:

                                     My children, who are now caring & positive adults

My growing family, I love them so much

                    My SBMC Peds ED family always is so supportive of me, love them

 Janice, my other Filipino sista, she humbles me & lets me know when I disappoint her; love her for that!

                           The fabulous person that I've become< beautiful inside & out!

 My grand daughter meeting her aunties & uncle for the first time: this was a precious moment, to see      how loving they have become, a really tender moment!

  

 My grand daughter & me enjoying each other's craziness- definitely 2 peas in one pod!

                                                  My grandson, Eli, I love him so much!

                                       My ride or die, Denise- been with me since day1!

                                                          My grand kids, my legacy!

                                         Lils, my Filipino sista, who keeps me on my toes!

                             Joanna, my Honduran sista, who has my back no matter what!

         Jovita, my church sista, she gives me hope & guidance when I need it the most!

My boy toys, RJ & Melly Mel, they remind me that I might still have hope, if I change my vulgar                        -                                                              ways! NOT!

                 My lil prince Eli, who always reminds me that I am loved no matter what!

Truly Blessed & Highly Favored

Hello fellow bloggers,

I'm trying to preoccupy my mind as I lay in this hospital bed. It's funny how God slows me down. As I recuperate from my stomach infection, I'm forced to look back & reflect on how far I've come on my life's journey. I've had my highs & my lows, but one thing I've learned is to appreciate those people who always support me emotionally. And I am truly blessed & highly favored to have an entourage of people who support Delilah. I have to begin with acknowledging my kids. They really get their resilience from their momma, & when I forget that I possess that trait, they remind me. As for my friends, they pick me up when I'm falling, they encourage me to keep on going. They advise me when I feel lost & they inspire me to succeed. I never valued materialism, but I know how to appreciate loyalty & genuineness and I thank God for the people in my life & consider myself blessed & highly favored!
                                                   My crazy son

                                                       My god daughters & Little cousin

                                                                 My sons

                                                                      My daughters

my daughters including my Filipino daughter

My best friends

My girls

My boys

My kids

My rock

My Lil Indian boy toy

My barnabas girls

Me!

Taming my testosterone

Good morning bloggers,

I'm back to my hectic working schedule; been extremely busy taking care of my father and my family. But, on my days off, after taking care of everything & everybody I find myself struggling with my ultimate demon!  My deep desire to have MY healthy relationship, I crave my own love. I have a very aggressive sexual appetite & a loyal & passionate heart, but am having a difficult time finding somebody worthy to share that with!
Thank God I have a couple of close friends who keep me on the straight & narrow! I've had a couple of inappropriate relationships since my divorce, needless to say, dating for me, with my hectic schedule, is impossible. I've had a few good dates, but nothing that I can say is worth talking about.
As for my aggressive sexual appetite, I have spoken to my gynecologist & therapist regarding these desires & they both seem to think its healthy, I've been told that because I had my family so young & still in my prime, that these urges are normal. My gynecologist thinks I should celebrate this energy & be safe with my actions. My therapist thinks there is no harm in my desires, but also thinks I should focus on other aspects of my life.
But my mind & body seem to focus on my sexual needs, so I have to learn how to tame my testosterone! It has not been easy, I have cut some ties with a few "male friends" that might take advantage of my "vulnerable" state. Although, those feelings are a big part of my confidence level! I have thrown myself back into work & working out, I am also actively taking steps to re-train my brain. I am focusing more on my family & all tasks that keep me from those sexual desires. But, with everything I have to keep me busy, I still have my days when those feelings overwhelm me!!! I ask my male & female friends alike, is there something wrong with me? My female friends tell me I'm a man trapped in a woman's body! But I love being a woman & feeling fit & sexy! My male friends tell me that no regular man will ever be able to handle me, but I want to be handled😜!
As time passes I hope to tame my testosterone!
And maybe in time, these strong desires subside! (NOT) Until then, I will try to keep busy doing positive things & keeping away from negative men! Lol
I have adopted yoga & am currently learning how to meditate deeply, it has proven to work for me. My journey to enlightenment has begun. I hope to be able to peace  & balance within myself.

Sporadic life timeline

Good morning fellow bloggers,

It has been quite some time since I last posted an entry. Every year, since 10/95, I always get blue on  Septembers.   Not sure if it's due to the change in weather or because it's a month before my brother's death anniversary. This year it has been tougher for me to shake this feeling, since I use to grieve this loss with my mom. Now, with her absence it has affected me more profoundly! I thank God everyday for the gift of my grand daughter, she was meant to be born when she was, she is the reason I continue to fight my demons. She is so precious to me! Whenever I am feeling sorry for myself I pull up a video or a picture of her, and her images inspire me to continue my journey. It also helps that I am blessed to have amazing family & friends that remind me of who I am & what I am capable of.

As for the title of this entry, my life's timeline has been very sporadic & it has made for a very rich & interesting reality, with many highs & lows. I can never complain, when I share my reality with other people they tell me I should write a book. All the negative & positive situations that I have experienced have enriched my life in so many ways! My low moments of life have allowed me to gain strength, my highs moments have allowed me to accumulate gratitude & have humbled me. It was meant for me to have my 5 kids, they definitely are a reminder of my capabilities! My grand daughter has been another blessing, although she in NM, her presence has been inspirational. It pains me that she lives so far away & I am missing all her milestones, but my son face times me every Sunday & I get to see her react to my image & my voice.

Now, I am preparing to welcome another grand baby into my family! My middle daughter is currently carrying my 1st grandson! My legacy will continue with them, being a grand parent has made me realized how often God blesses me, & for his blessings I am thankful, humbled, & grateful!
As a parent all you want for your children is their success & happiness, & I am definitely witnessing those things in my children.

I can't forget to mention my friends, who have become my family. These amazing people have been @ my side through my highs & lows & they remind me of my strengths & capabilities. Joanna & Denise text me daily to make sure I keep it moving & turn my blues into rainbows! My boys, Charles, Mel & Barry remind me that I am strong enough to shake those blue feelings off, & for that I am thankful. So, let me share these beautiful people with you:
                                                                   Denise & me

Joanna & me

My sons & me

My cousin Rob & me

My kids (missing Bebe)

Mel & me

Lil Somaya & me

My staff & me

My Peds ED staff

Paula & me

So as you can see, all these people encourage me, they tell me that I'm a positive influence on their lives, but in fact, they are the positive influence in my life. And for that I am thankful to God, may he continue to bless me with beautiful people & positive situations!