Metamorphosing

Good Evening Bloggers,

As the leaves change & fall on the ground, I realize how much my life has changed. I remember being in a happy relationship & not having to worry about anything, because I knew that what ever life threw my way I had a best friend who was by my side to handle & conquer any situation. I want to thank you Mark for leaving me with nothing & although you temporarily took my confidence, I have slowly regained it back along with other strengths I have discovered. I now know I can successfully run a house by myself & do it with finesse. I can also manage two jobs & have time to spend with my family & still have time to spend with people who really appreciate me.
I had time today to drive around my neighborhood & take some random pictures:

by the Star Lite Diner

by one of the golf courses, by my house

magunda ikaw translation: you are beautiful:

learned that from my Filipino sista

And although my past trials & tribulations shook me to my core, I have managed to gracefully get up & feel better about who I am & that has transcended to my exterior- making me a more beautiful person. Having lost allot of important people in my life the unimaginable heartache left behind has transformed me into a better human being. Love leaves a memory no-one can steal; my past & my present speak for themselves. I'm a strong minded person, who is goal oriented & passionate for a better life! With every downfall, I get back up stronger & smarter, I refuse to give up on my dreams, I will push forward until I can't physically and or mentally push anymore. And along the way I will share my aspirations with my loved ones my passions & that includes my dreams, as I do now: 

                                 Jessica & me @ SBMC always talking about our future

Barry, Naomi, & Nieva: some of my family @ HUMC

                                              Paula & Lori mentors @ Rutgers University

Barry & me @ Cafe Frida in NYC

                                            Barry & me in Teaneck enjoying one of the local bands

(& no there is no romance between us)

My sister, Denise & me @ the Jay Z concert @ the Barclay Ctr in Brooklyn

                                           @ home during Sunday dinners with the family

I am slowly & gracefully metamorphosing into a person I am slowly falling in love with, and along the way I am setting an example for MY five beautiful kids. And if they don't know it it by now, they are why I push so hard! I love you tribe called mess- muah!

And since I have not blogged in a long time I have accumulated allot of quotes, some might be duplicates:

Good night! Muah

A Woman's strength

Good Morning Bloggers,

Hope this entry finds everybody well. I had a very productive day off. Since my shift has changed @ SBMC, I have been getting much needed night sleep, my bags are slowly disappearing. I am eternally gateful to my director for giving me this much needed change; although my Mondays will be difficult, it will be worth it to sleep in my bed!
As for my productive day off, after my morning jog, I cleaned my room, went to meet with my Dean @ grad school, took my mom to the doctor, went to church, then had dinner with my almond brother & his friend.
While @ Rutgers & talking to a very close friend, who is also staff @ Rutgers, I felt the confidence building within me. There is something about being back on my stomping grounds, that gives me the confidence & the strength I need to push myself harder. I am so ready for this accelerated program & get my DNP! It will take me three years, but I am so ready to kick these three years out of the way, with all my strength! I had to take a picture of the 2 ladies that push me & have my back while I'm in school: Ms. Walters & Ms. Venable- love them so much:

After my meeting & a positive discussion, I went to pick up my Mami to take her to her appointments. It has been very difficult- taking care of my Mom. She can no longer be by herself, she has the tendency to fall, due to her lack of equillibrium. On top of her imbalance gait, her stubborness has been a bigger challenge to deal with. She tells me she is not ready to live with me, but she can no longer be by herself. I made a deal with her, & promised her to coordinate a visiting nurse for her & if she did not get any better after a month, she would have to come live with me. This way, she has a goal & is more motivated to bettering her health. I hope this works! I have many pictures of my mother, as you can see, she is literally detoriating in front of my eyes- & that has been tearing me up emotionally!

My Mom's 62nd bday in NM

My mom & my great Aunt Fide

 My Mom & Bebe

 My mom after her left mastectomy & Dasha after her surgery

My mom when she first started her chemo & Sasha

 My mom during one of her treatments

My Aunt & my mom during our trip to NC

My mom @ my cousin's wedding in GA

My mom on Mother's day 2012

Me & my mami

My mom, Sasha & me on my bday

My auntie, mami, & Sasha

As you can see, my Mom has this silent strength I never knew about. I always saw her as a weak woman, when it came to her male relationships. But she has proven me wrong, her strength has been substantiated, as she undergoes all these procedures & treatments & she never complains- she just keeps on enduring all these physically painful situations. I now know where I get my strength from: my Mami!

While @ church, I was put to work by one of the deacons to give out pamphlets @ the entrance. She complimented my attire & says to me, "I always see you with scrubs on Sunday morning & now I see you with a suit dress, what's your story?"so I proceed to tell her my story, you all know: 5 kids, single mom, 2 jobs, returning to grad school, taking care of my mom..... & she stops me & says "honey, you are an inspiration! I think you are ministry material!" (I wonder how Ron feels about this?) I then look @ her & say really? & she responds "Your story is very inspirational, you have beaten the odds, & continue to help others & don't even know it!" She has sparked an idea, but it is one that is going to have to wait. I still have so much to acomplish, next on my agenda is my DNP, then my book, & now I have been thinking about a family business, but I first have to consult with my kids to see if this business idea is even something we want to undertake as a family? Only time will tell where I go from here. 

But, being around my family & friends has fed me the confidence & strength that my appetite needed, & now I feel like I have the fuel & the drive  to press on & forward. I never thought that I could feel this way! on March 2011 my whole world collapsed around me, & now a year & 6 months after- I feel like I can take on the world! I am so humbled & grateful for my strength, my endurance, my family, my friends, but most of all my faith in God & myself!

I would not be where I am today if it wasn't for the people around me, they fuel my strength! This young lady has been here for me since I got back from NM, & w/o her I don't know where I would be!

My sis for 27 years & counting!

These are some more people whom feed my strength:

Some of my 4LW family

So you see, for me, a woman's strength comes from those whom she chooses to surround herself with: Positive people, people who love her, people who are honest with her, & people who won't betray her. With that being said, I surrounded myself with good company & had dinner with my almond brother & his friend:

And that folks, is this woman's strentgh!

Today's Quotes:

  

Samantha Jones vs. Charlotte York

Hello fellow bloggers,

Once again my insomnia has lead me to blog this morning. We had a very rough night last night @ work, but like I was explaining to my family, my work does not feel like a job; I love what I do, whether it be putting in a heparin lock or assisting a difficult physician with patient placement- I love both of my jobs! 

The night shift allows for a special type of bond to occur between patients- staff & coworkers. As a nurse & a logistics manager on the night shift, I have time to interact with my patients & coworkers during the most trying of times. I have been @ patient's bedside during the most scariest of situations & also been there to see them leave my facilities in better health. I share a special bond with my night crews @ both facilities, a bond that makes those relationship stick longer. I love that all my coworkers, even attendings appreciate my humor & miss me when I'm  not @ work. I've had both, colleagues & patients tell me they look forward when I come to work; it elevates my confidence, it makes me feel appreciated! & that is just food for my soul!

As for my title: Samantha Jones vs. Charlotte York, I was having this conversation with both of my crews @ both facilities; & the discussion became heated when I was talking to both genders. The men were all for the Samantha Jones in me, but the woman sided with the Charlotte York side of me. I just became confused, but did come away with the following theory: to enjoy myself while I can & not take anything so seriously. I always tell my girlfriends who are married, that I miss my best friend, but @ the same time my guy friends tell me, that- best friend did not feel the same way about me because of how he betrayed me. I love my girlfriends for keeping hope alive & I love & appreciate my guy friends for keeping it real for me. 

Somebody I use to respect & confide in, once told me that the things that I'm most scared of are worth delving into because those things are worth facing your fear for! Now looking back, I think he was just blowing smoke up my a**, but I do appreciate the sentiment. 

I now believe that the Samantha Jones part of my ego emerges to protect me from getting hurt, but the Charlotte York part of my ego yearns for something stable in my life. As I get older & see my children becoming adults, the Charlotte York part of me wants someone to share my life with. 

If anything I have learned how to appreciate & cherish those who love & appreciate me & that includes my family, friends & coworkers! As for those who betrayed me, it's all good- if you didn't appreciate what you had in me, it's your lost & my gain.

In the mean time I will enjoy those who I love & show me love back:

My Auntie, Mami & middle baby girl! Delilah supporters!

My Lily & Joanna- my Charlotte supporters:

Guma, he bought out the Samantha Jones in me by convincing me that I am beautiful!

 Jessica, 1 of my Charlotte supporters @ SBMC

 Jenny, a Samantha supporter @ SBMC

 My PACU crew from SBMC: Jess, Dr. Smith & Jenny, all Samantha supporters!

Love them, all about having fun & enjoying life!

As for enjoying life, we always enjoy the food & how luck am I to be where there are so many cultures to enjoy!

@ Penang's Malaysian/Thai cuisine:

Roti Canai

Pad Thai Shrimp

Sarang Burong

Beef Rendang

@ Applebee's

my favorite: Mojito

Apple crisp supreme

Oreo deluxe

Sangria

@ McCloone's

A glass of white wine & Coconut Shrimp

@ Centroamericano

Ceviche

@ El Meson

Frijoles arroz amarillo con camarones y platano frito

Spending time with the baby brat:

Making sure my youngest looks sharp, like his Mama

& finally some Marley Love:

Quotes:

Th real winners in life are the people who look @ every situation with an expectation that they can make it work or make it better- B. P.