Bullet proof heart

Good morning bloggers,
It has been a while since I have posted an entry regarding my emotional state. But, I have been busy working & traveling. I also have been writing, & in a deep state of thought. Here is just one of the few entries for ya'll to enjoy:
I use to think I could have a bullet proof heart! I  thought my heart was impenetrable. I had been through so much & felt the need to rebuild my wall & even build a moat for extra security! I used to believe that I could turn my heart into steel & not allow anyone to reenter; but I forgot I'm human. I forgot that I love hard, I forgot that I'm incapable of being cold & callous. Mostly, I had forgotten that my love is powerful & plentiful! I possess enough love for my children biological & Pseudo, my family immediate & extended, my friends local & distant, my dog, my work families at HUMC, Valley & SBMC; but most of all the abundant love I possess reminded me, that I am incapable of having a bulletproof heart!
I have been truly blessed to have had the 3 loves of life: puppy love, tough love & true love. My first love was a mixture of ignorance & hard lessons, but it also gave me the 5 real loves of my life. My second love, my tough love taught me more valuable lessons, it taught me how to be a better parent to my kids, it taught me how to be a good wife, but it also taught me to be a better partner & how to be strong & how to let people go even though you love them. Letting them go is showing true & selfless love. My third love, my true love, showed me acceptance & it surprised me. It also taught me to let go of conformity & how not to live up to societal expectations. 
I’ve been doing a little research on love & read some very interesting books, like the 5 languages of love & how to truly love yourself. But nothing I have read has compared to real life experiences.
Throughout my journey of love I have discovered that it, love, is interpreted differently by each individual & received differently, as well, by each individual. 
But the most challenging  & difficult love, I have found to be, is self love. Learning to love myself has been one of the most difficult tasks of my life, this is because the concept of self love had been very foreign to me. After giving my love to other people, like my mom, my brother, my kids, & my lovers, loving myself was a learning process for me. But it has also been a world of discovery for me & I continue to learn new things about myself. And I’m falling deeper in love with the woman I am evolving into.
So as I continue to fall deeper in love with myself, I’m learning that I am so capable of doing unimaginable things, & for this I am grateful!                                                                  

Noble Nursing

Noble Nursing
In honor of nurses week, I would like to dedicate this entry to all my amazing colleagues that sacrifice allot in order to better the lives of others. I’ve been a nurse for almost 15 years, prior to my career as a nurse I was a nursing assistant & a unit clerk. Needless to say that I have been in the medical field well over 20 years.
As I journey to visit my son & granddaughter in NM, I sat next to a professor. We engaged in a conversation about our professions and she mentioned how each of our professions drain us @ some capacity. I suddenly realized that my profession, nursing, is the only profession that drains us emotionally, physically, & mentally. Other professions may be passionate but don’t require so much, they either exhaust you mentally or physically & maybe involve some emotions. But, nursing requires-no it actually demands all 3! In order to be a great nurse, you have to be intelligent, physically & emotionally strong, sharp as a needle, fast on your feet, & quick with life & death decisions. Not only do you have to possess all these skills, but you also have to be passionate about the services you render, sincere, kind, & have thick skin to deal with all types of people! Including & not limited to: crazy, demanding, ignorant, & spiteful unkind human beings. In my almost 15 years of practice I have seen, heard, felt, & witnessed allot of good, bad, ugly, stupid & even evil people & situations. And through it all I kept a smile on my face & a laughter in my demeanor, because when I go to sleep in the morning I know I have done more than my share of good deeds! And I do it amongst an amazing group of people, whom I love cherish & value.
This entry is dedicated to those who sacrifice themselves along side me every night that we walk onto our unit! I applaud you, I appreciate you, & most importantly I love all of you sincerely!

My Passions

Good evening bloggers,

I blog to you from home, it’s been a long Sunday. I woke up late @ 3 pm, & started cooking Sunday dinner. I woke up in a a very good mood, just because I dreamt with my Mami & brother, & it was reassuring & almost a sign that I was living my life in a way that they approved. When my tribe called mess arrived & we were eating I mentioned my dream to them & was talking about where everybody is going in their lives. It’s always nice to catch up with everybody & see their life progress.
As for my title today, I practiced/did things that are my passion: cooking, family & enjoying people I love & love me back. So, let me share these experiences with you.
These loved ones keep me grounded, they inspire me, they catapult me to places I never imagined. Not only do we share DNA/genes, but I have taught them to have a passion for family & food as well. I hope my grandkids follow these traditions & be as passionate as I am.
Family & friends that become family is who I choose to surround myself with, the vibes & memories we create together become memorable & those memories are what inspire my creativity.

My Lead

Good Evening bloggers,

I’m glad to report that I have been off for the past 7 days, & it has been a world wind. From merely escaping a toxic relationship to spending time with my family & friends, including my god-daughter, to cooking & cleaning.
Let’s begin with the toxic relationship I merely escaped. So, I met this guy on an online dating app. He seemed genuine, he was consistent with communicating, & we seemed to vibe during our conversations. We finally met after 3 days of calling each other, video chatting & texting. He was very handsome & was saying all the right things, & he seemed legit. Most importantly, part of me believed in what he was saying. But, we all know, that actions speak louder than words. So, I allowed him to say all he wanted to say & had nothing negative towards his conversation. He was promising the world & advancing too quickly, I sat silently with a puzzled look on my face. Some days passed by & his communication became transient, then silent. 3 days later I get a text that read: I am “a wonderful woman with an amazing soul & he wishes me well”.
I guess I was too amazing for him & he realized that before we took it any further. I’m so glad I have angels above watching over me, & they make sure that what’s not meant for me stays out of my life.
On a lighter note, I spent some much needed time with some important people in my life. I also cooked some awesome dishes on my nights off. I filed my taxes, cleaned my house, did some laundry & felt a little bit more human! You know, sleeping nights & being active during the day allowed that feeling of humanity again. But, it also reminded me that I have allot more to accomplish in this lifetime & I have to tackle it sooner than later.
As for my title for this entry, it has come to my attention that men, in general, feel the need to lead their women. After much thought & conversations with a couple of my close female & male friends, I have to decide whether I can allow a man to lead me. This concept is hard to swallow for me, just because, I have been misled by the few men I have trusted. So you see, this is my dilemma should I have faith & take down my walls, or should I continue to lead myself & continue to be lonely & not share all these wonderful experiences I am creating, by myself!?!?!?
I’m always so thankful & humbled for the people that have graced me with their presence. I have learned  so much & have experienced allot of things that were unimaginable in my past. And as always I am grateful for everything that God has blessed me with!
So allow me to share my blessings: