My Solidarity

Good morning bloggers,

Been MIA for a minute, but I have a good excuse! I'm currently working on my entrepreneurship and have been busy researching ways on how to pursue my dreams & make them my reality! I also have initiated monthly outings with my colleagues  @ both facilities in order to keep the moral up. Yes, I feel obligated to do this because I like to spread happiness, & what better way to do that than to spend time doing unstressful things!

As for the title for this entry, I have been spending a lot of time with colleagues, friends, & family & have had limited time to myself. During that limited time I reflect on how my life is currently going, I  truly love the person that I'm becoming, I stress less & give little energy to irrelevant people/situations; & try to focus on what is important to me. I realize now that what is important to me has become the relationships that I develop with positive people. I have learned that people who genuinely care for me have my best interest @ heart ❤️ & I try to reciprocate that. My solidarity has also taught me to appreciate my family & friends, it also humbles me. I now know my worth & refuse to settle for less! I know now that I deserve the best because I am the best. So as I work hard to make my dreams my reality I hope God sends me someone worthy of me & can handle my crazy ass personality & be able to give me the love I deserve!

Being alone has given me a different level of confidence that I needed to build myself up. It has taught me to love myself in different ways. I now know to take better care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, & sexually (can't leave that part out because it's a big part of me!). I feel unstoppable & I hope to write about my success soon!

Fighting my demons

Hello bloggers,
It's been a long time since I've submitted an entry, but this one is very personal to me. Hope you get something out of it.
Those who are really close to me know that every winter since 1995, the year my brother passed, I struggle with SAD (seasonal affective disorder) also known as the winter blues. It became more severe in 2013, the year my mother passed. I always try to put my happy face & demeanor on when I'm @ work & when I'm around my family. But this year has been more difficult for me to stay positive. So, I push myself harder to be around positive people & positive situations but that takes a great effort on my part & sometime I don't have the energy.
So what I'm doing now to fight this demon is to always keep busy & try to be positive no matter who I'm with or where I am. When I'm alone, the hardest times, I do whatever it takes to put me in a happy place. To be more specific, I read  allot of self help books or inspirational material, I go for hikes if the weather allows, I write, & I force myself to exercise. The best part about being a Lola, is that I can always pick up my grand babies! Which is instant happiness for me!
Another demon I struggle with is loneliness, loneliness you say, yes loneliness. Although I have five grown kids & a handful of close friends, they all have their own lives to live. Besides my mood & the way I feel is my responsibility & only I can manage it. And that's the first step to handling your emotions, acknowledging them. I have learned to acknowledge how I feel first & then figure out what will help me change my mood. For me, that's a list of different things. But my favorite is music in combination with moving, and reminding myself about all the people & situations I am blessed with daily. For example: having my own family & friends, all the happy memories we created & continue to create, my health, my accomplishments, & my ferocious work ethic! The fact that I have 2 jobs that I really enjoy doing & be around people that I genuinely love, my coworkers which I lovingly call my work family. Honestly, it's a privilege to work around the people who appreciate you & your aura & they definitely remind me who I am & for that I love them ❤️.
My third, & last demon, is my disappointments. They include where I am personally, financially & professionally. I am currently having discussions with people I consider to be very close to me & deciding how can I change these situations. And I'd rather share these as they happen. But to fight this demon I've learned how to take time & look back to see how far I have come. I do this by pulling up images/pictures & reminding how far my journey has bought me. There use to be a time when I couldn't afford my own car or home or allot of things I currently possess. But, most importantly I have friendships that have lasted a long time & have passed the test of time & continue to be a big part of my healing & my progress. Those people include my family (yes you can write them off) & my close friends whom I call my family (they know who they are).
My life has definitely been a very difficult journey, but it has also been a journey full of positive lessons, & for all of that I remain eternally grateful! Every bump in my life has bought me to where I am & I'm loving & embracing it all!

Internal desires

Hello bloggers,

Feeling very philosophical post Dubai trip! So here are my thoughts, raw & real to me!

Life has a cruel way of taking away people you love,
Whether they were your parent, siblings, or a lover
They served their purpose in your life, they left you with cherished memories, valuable lessons, & a sense of pride to carry on in their honor.
So, here I am, carrying on in honor of my mother, my brother, my sister, & a lover.
And as I carry on, I would like to reveal to the world my internal desire.
Yes, I'm a very strong woman, I can handle just about anything that life throws my way.
But @ the same time, I'm very human, & with my humanity comes a deep internal desire of wanting love.
Love you say, yes, love. But you already have love, yes, I have family love: daughter love, son love, grandchildren love, friend love, sister love, father love & of course dog love.
But the love I desire is more of an emotional, more intimate, more respectful, more devotional, more sexual, more mental, & yes lawd, more physical, it comes with loyalty & integrity, that both partners present with pride. Not only to receive this type of love but to share it & practice it with a man until we perfect it!
I think all of us deserve this type of love @ least once in a lifetime!
And although I have been blessed with many types of loves in my life, my internal desire for this type of love fuels me daily, & I am grateful to have all the other loves in my life!

No Guarantees

Hello Bloggers,

As I'm here in Dubai & considering a 3 year work tour, I'm leaning towards doing it. I work very hard to maintain my family & myself, but if anything my life has taught me, that life worth living means that I have to take calculated risks. After long thoughtful discussions with my family & close friends, it just makes sense for me to do this, not only for myself, but for my family. Making 80K more a year will allow me to go back to grad school & save for a down payment for my own home. It will also .allow me to continue to help my family & lord knows I always need help with that
.I have been doing allot on my own & I have learned that in life there are no guarantees, hence the title of this entry. So, I continue to move forward positively & hope that the decisions I make have a positive impact on the people I love, & of course myself. So , as I visit this beautiful & religious city I've realized, now more than ever than ever, my evolution requires big moves. And although I'm having allot GI problems, I can honestly say it,s due to the stress of making this decision & adjusting to this time zone! I can honestly say that after visiting this city & spending limited time walking around, observing & soaking the culture in has led me to decide to do this. So, as I prepare to move forward & onward with my life, I want to share this saying that I heard today: when given extraordinary gifts expect not to have an ordinary life! When I get back home, I will definitely spend extra time with those that show me love! Muah

Heavy heart/strong soul

Good morning bloggers,

Here I am again burning the midnight oil. After spending some time with someone & him making me realize some of my flaws I felt inspired to write this entry.

Every strong woman needs someone to take the lead for a minute, so she can take a breather, recollect herself & recharge. I, unfortunately don't have that luxury in my life, but I do take frequent vacations by myself to compensate for that; these brief vacations allow me to release, recharge & refresh. There are days that I wish I could just runaway from it all, but then I have people, like my grand kids, kids & my close friends whom remind me that I am loved & very much needed!

I have no regrets & now know more than ever that everything that I've been through was meant to be. My experiences have taught me very valuable lessons, they have humbled me, prepared me & most importantly serve as a constant reminder that life is a constant evolution.

I have been through allot in my 45 years of living & I don't regret anything. I have loved the wrong people & in return I have learned that there are no garauntees. The only thing that is garaunteed in this life is that the only person you can count on is yourself. The way you carry yourself around others defines your character, I have forgiven & moved on without resentment. And even though my heart is heavy, my soul has become stronger. With every situation comes experience & those experiences allow you to make better decisions. Loss of loved ones make you appreciate those you love & love you. Bad experiences teach you lessons, good experiences create happy memories. So, you see, take nothing for granted, don't expect anything from anybody but yourself & never judge others because you never know what they have been through.

But do treat others with respect, be kind, open your hearts & your minds to all possibilities. Have faith, smile often, laugh frequently- trust me it's contagious! Take deep breaths, pause, learn how to let go of the bad & create good! Trust me you will be much happier & @ peace!

Men of hollow words

Good morning bloggers,

So most of my close friends know that I've been dating online. And it has become fun & I have met some interesting men. But, most of these men share a common theme, that theme being, men of hollow words! They claim allot verbally but lack the action that is necessary! It has become frustrating & I do miss the traditional way of meeting men, in person, where you can read their body language & their facial expressions. I consider myself to be a good judge of character & pride myself on reading people, but with this new age dating it has made it hard to gage when these boys are lying.

 I can't say that this theme applies to all the men I have met, but it does apply to most. I'm not sure where they get the idea or notion that lying is acceptable! Were they not taught that the truth is always revealed with time! I raised 2 boys & I have taught them to always be honest, & it's better to hurt people with the truth then making them happy with lies, because that happiness is temporary, the truth always surfaces & shatters your credibility. I have taught all my kids that your word is your bond, if your words don't stand for nothing you have no value!

It has been my experience that when people lie it's because they don't value you or how they make you feel. To me that's a form of disrespect. Unfortunately, I have experienced being lied to, & it has tainted me in ways that I may not recover from. I try to maintain my faith & proceed cautiously!

To all who read this entry: when you lie, you only hurt your own character & people don't take you seriously!

Women of substance vs. New breed of women

Good morning bloggers,

I know it's been a while, what can I tell you? I have been working very hard. I have made some decisions that will impact my life tremendously. I have been contemplating doing a tour in Dubai, the shortest tour that exists is 3 years. I've been researching it & the numbers make sense, but the time away from my family is delaying my decision. Anyway, that topic is for another entry.

As for my title, women of substance vs. new breed of women, it has come to my attention
 that there exists women that have certain qualities. Those qualities include but are not limited to: integrity, honesty, loyalty, consistency, patience, intelligence, ethics, strength, acceptance, & lord knows a plethora of other qualities that I'm failing to mention. I guess I'm mentioning this because I have allot friends that possess all these qualities & when we get together & discuss my pathetic, non-existent love life, it comes up as a topic. Most of my close friends are successful women in their own right & continue to be successful in their relationships. And although it does require energy & determination to maintain those relationships, it is very possible. When I was married I was able to maintain & didn't mind doing it. I guess when you love somebody it doesn't feel like work or expended energy.

Anyway, back to my title, it seems like, to me, that these qualities are not desired by most men. It has been my experience that men rather have women who want to use them for money, titles or other reasons that I will never understand. This observation has tainted my dating ventures, I have come to the realization that what I seek in a relationship is not what most men seek in a relationship.

Women I know work hard, are loyal, intelligent, independent and consistent! These qualities are very hard to find in a man. And although I believe that women who possess these qualities are a new breed, that belief is wrong. Looking back, these qualities were always around me, & learned from my mom, grandma & other women in my family. So you see,  the women of substance in my life have graced me with these qualities. This woman of substance has evolved with time, I have become more confidant in my ability to do all things. I have become more free with my time, more open minded, & I have learned to take more chances & have faith in myself & my decisions. Being able to do things on my own has given me a level of confidence that is undeniable. I just hope that I pass on these qualities to my daughters & sons & grandchildren.

P.S. I'm currently having technical difficulties & am unable to insert pictures to my entries, so please be patient with me.