Life Marches On

Hello fellow bloggers!

It's been a long time since I've submitted an entry. I went back to my old habit of working allot. It seems to calm me when I'm serving others. My jobs don't feel like work & my coworkers have become my second families. Anyway, so much has happened since my last entry, one of my staff members laid his wife to rest, my son had a crisis situation, & I am currently in CO awaiting my first grand daughter to be born! I also applied to grad school again, I'm anxiously awaiting my acceptance letter. I also applied to a full time position @ SBMC & am considering going to critical care @ HUMC. As always, my mind & my body stay busy. I've come to believe that, that is the only way I know how to exist. I just feel like I still have so much to accomplish in my life. I also started dating, that lasted: briefly! I did meet some nice guys, but they currently don't fit into my schedule.
I'm finally very comfortable with my current social situation. I also started a new home based business, which will allow me to travel & make money @ the same time. If you're interested, please, let me know.
Having gone to a funeral just a few days ago & now awaiting my grand daughter's birth has made me more aware that life marches on. Life has a way of reminding me that no matter how difficult my situation may be, life will move forward. So, I've decided to stay as positive as I can be & look @ situations & @ people in a different perspective. I now appreciate what I have & don't dwell on what I want. I do try to work towards my goals, but I'm more real with myself & what my capabilities are, and that allows me to be @ peace with myself.
Having that kind of inner peace makes a world of a difference when dealing with certain situations, I try not to revert to my old ways. But, I work on myself every day & take deep breaths & meditate before I take any actions. For example, this Sunday that just passed was my first Mother's Day without my mom, & instead of feeling sad or sorry for myself, I spent time with my first born & one of my best friends & stayed strong as we visited her grave & set flowers on it. I flexed my strength & felt good about it.
So, I leave ya'll with these memories as my life marches on:

Celebrating my god son's 26th bday

Love my sista

relaxing & reflecting

tracking my fitness

buying my youngest art supplies

Me @ work looking boss

hanging out with my girls in NYC

my other sista, love her to

showing off my hard housework

making my dwelling more cozy

this bitch can do anything!

Easter dinner /w my fam

me on my 10th night in a row

after my 11th night I had the audacity to go to a party, cause that's the type of bitch I am!

my Bdids, luv my white sista

my lil Indian boy toy- luvs me some him

spoiling my god daughter

my daily mental breaks, help me focus

one of my spoiled brats

what I'm looking forward to

my Honduran & Filipino sistas- luv them so much- I draw strength from them

my first mom's day w/o my lil mami

needed to draw strength from my strong women

my baby caddying, finally! working lol

My daughter in law abiut to give birth to my grand daughter, Somaya

my son being supportive, so proud of him, he is an awesome dad, already!

So, you see, life marches on & it's up to you to stay positive & be a force to reckon with!

I am truly blessed every day & night to be able to be here for those I love!

Slowly awakening

Good evening my fellow bloggers,

It feels like an eternity since I last posted an entry! So much has happened & I am slowly awakening. I know I promised my lil mami to slow down my ferocious work ethic, but given the demographics of my current location, that was an impossible promise to uphold! So, needless to say, I am back working 6 days a week, with 1 day left to take care of my stubborn father & janky ass baby son! both whom I love very much & I would not trade them for the world. My son is doing well with his treatment & has managed to pull up his grades. My father is finally walking & his mentation is improving with time, he is definitely a work in progress. Reconnecting with my father has given my already strong drive a power boost. He is my constant reminder of where I came from & he definitely reminds me that without hard work you can't achieve anything. At the same time, his ignorance serves as a constant reminder to further my knowledge & therefore my education!
The beginning of this year was a rough & rude awakening, having lost one of my dearest nephews to the war on drugs has humbled our family as a whole! My nephew, Devin, struggled with drugs for the last almost 5 years & was overwhelmed & gave into suicide. I'm not the one to hide situations like this, I feel I should take this negative & turn it into a positive, his death will not be in vain! His death will serve as a constant reminder that we are not alone & we, as family, have to help each other no matter what the situation! His death also awakened an awareness in me, the one of not taking my kids for granted! I know that they're almost grown & I have always been so busy working to make sure they have things, but I was taking away the most precious thing they possess & need, me! After all, I am the only constant person in their life! I have been there through thick & thin. Through, heart breaks, promotions, graduations, tribulations, addictions, loss, separation, struggles, well you get the point!
This untimely passing has awaken a need to spend more time with my adult children, I love them so much! As I spend more quality time with them I see allot of me in each & every one of them. Some things are good & others are, well, not so good. But, in my almost 43 years of living, I know & understand that life is about evolution & reinventing oneself. And with each situation, whether it be bad or good, we learn & evolve into something better. I hope & pray that my kids don't have to suffer what I endured & conquered & I know deep in my soul that I gave them a better start than what I had. But, I can't say that I regret my past, my past has molded me into the strong & positive person I am today, & I can only improve from this day forward!
Allow me to share a little piece of my life!

Me @ with straight hair

Spending time with Mira & shami

 My sister, for real

 My seeds missing 1, but,blooming beautifully

Me with wavy hair @ work

will post more recent pics, when I learn how to navigate my photo library! lol

  

Self Evolution

Good Morning fellow bloggers & readers,

It has been a little over 2 months since I have blogged & although writing is my true passion, & I've been told it's my gift: I have to follow my heart & share my passion & gift with you.

So, let me just inform you that this past holiday season was one of the hardest & emotionally charged seasons I had endured! I was borderline depressed, I was hurting, I was re-evaluating my life's situation, I was crying for change! It took every atom in my body & mind to overcome these feelings, but, I managed to pull myself out of my funk & paint my town house, redecorate, fill my home with positive mantras & learned how to meditate deeply & take matters into my own hands. I have learned that I am the only one that knows what makes me happy. I use to think I had to be with somebody in order to be happy, but now looking back, it has been me that has been making myself happy! I now know that only I can keep myself happy! I also have learned to let go of negative people & negative situations, & that was hard for me to do, because I had become comfortable with those people & those situations.
I always thought that I was flexible & I could adapt to any change life had thrown my way, but my flaws always took me down a negative path! It wasn't until somebody disrespected me unnecessarily that I had my epiphany. & I know everything happens for a reason & this needed to happen to me in order for me to make changes in my life. I want to thank God for giving me signs & allowing me to make mistakes without them permanently damaging me emotionally or otherwise. I also want to take a minute to thank my loved ones for being patient with me & always being here for me & telling me my worth & believing that I would eventually make the right decision & move away from my negativity.
I could tell you all my flaws & negativity, but that's a whole new blog!

Anyway, let me share with you the secret to my arsenal. I began my transformation by exercising more,  practicing deep meditation, spending more time with my children (including my dog), and being around  people who appreciate me for who I am, my true friends. Every morning/ night I start by thanking God for what I have (home, car, jobs, & the ability to hold my own & then some, by myself), I then proceeded to mentally remind myself that producing positive karma will bring me positive karma. Being nice & smiling generally makes other people around you more comfortable & eventually nicer. I always have a tendency of being silly & sometimes inappropriate, but usually it's with people that I consider my friends/family, & they seem to appreciate that about me. I have started to keep my distance from negative people & situations, I began by closing doors to negative situations & stopped entertaining negative people! I am a giving person, but I've learned to stop giving to people who are not worthy of my gifts (energy, time or thought). Talking myself out of negative situations has been instrumental, I practice that frequently.

Reinventing myself professionally & socially has proven to be successful. I've learned that working on your inner beauty has a way of making you physically beautiful. & bad situations are meant to teach you valuable life lessons & for every negative situation I've endured, I found a positive lesson I learned. How I approach situations has defined my character, forgive, be grateful & graceful. Love yourself before you allow yourself to love someone else, know yourself worth & how you expect to be treated & never settle for less! (the last sentence is for my children & some of my sistas that are going through some shit!) Being patient with myself has been challenging, but it has also taught me patience & forgiveness. I have done somethings I'm not proud of & tried to make excuses for my behavior, but I now know that I had to go through it in order to overcome it! Needless to say, I've learned some very valuable lessons.

So now @ almost 43 years old, I am finally comfortable in my own skin & am ready to tackle my success, professionally & socially.

P.S. Thank you so much for following & allowing me to share myself with you.

Some fond memories from 2013

Mira, Shami & me enjoying an Indian buffet

 my cousin Robert & me enjoying a nature walk & a very deep conversation

 Denise & me on our way to Miami

 Me feeling fabulous on our cruise

 Shami, Jared & me being silly @ a 3D movie

 Lexie, Sharon, Lillibeth, Denise & me @ CSICU holiday party

 Robert & me enjoying NYC holiday scenery

 Dasha, Sade, Denise & me @ my NYE dinner

 Me about to hit the town & paint it red

 Frannie's last day as a bedside RN

 my lil mami & me- miss her immensely

 Denise & me @ a hip hop concert @ RCMH

 Denise, Rob & me enjoying some of Little Italy's finest

 Sasha, Sade, Shamorr & Shadasha, missing Shuan tremendously

 Me doing what I do best: working!

Quotes for this morning include, but are not limited to:

my legacy:

Celebrating 105 entries on my blog: you go girl, keep going until the wheels fall off, then run!